It snowed in the early summer

As I described earlier* in my last entry, the weather in Harbin, China, is inconstant. On the Yesterday afternoon, my friend and I went shopping. On the way to the mall, the temperature was congenial, and there were few clouds in the sky. However, when we went out of left the mall at about eight thirty p.m, it was snowing. The snowflake were blowing in the whistling wind, and the temperature fell sharply. Hardly could We could hardly believe our eyes, as it was is already the early summer here. We felt like we were freezing in the cold with only a T-shirts on when the strong gusts of wind blew on our bodies. "If somebody brought me a coat right now, I would marry him!" My friend said to me jokingly.

*Either earlier or in my last essay, but not both.

I would not survive. Dallas is too cold for me,

Hu Shu Chang

Instead of correcting your errors, I will highlight your errors and show you a way to correct your own errors. Firstly, you must identify which parts of speech words belong; subject (noun), verb, verb phrases, adverbs, prepositional phrases and so on. Secondly, you must follow the general sentence pattern (who what, when, where, why, and how). Thirdly, you must perfect your punctuation, including correcting spelling errors.

Seventy percent of the time, you write pretty good English sentences. You make mistakes with your word choices, sentence order, and verb conjugation.

TIPS:

Do not use any of these verbs in any of your sentences unless you absolutely must: (is, was, were, am, to be or any of the "to be") verbs.  Why? Because these verbs often mask what the real action is. <<< See how I ended a sentence with "Is"?  There is always another way to say something without using (to be) verbs. Example: These verbs often mask the real action.

 It snowed in the early summer 

As I described earlier in my last entry, (unnessary admission of fact; no one needs to know that you described the weather in a previous article.)

The weather in Harbin, China, is inconstant. (word choice)

On the yesterday afternoon, (this is your Chinese brain writing this phrase (上昨天下午). We only use "On" when referrring to a specific date. Example... On the night of January 1, 2014, my friend went to China.

my friend and I went shopping. On the way to the mall, the temperature was genial and there were few clouds in the sky. (Can you think of another way to write these sentences without using "was or were")

HINT: Add your point of view. What do I mean? When we say, "The weather was nice", we mean "The weather was nice" for everybody. However, what if only you and your friend thought the weather was nice? How would you write that? The way you would write that sentence is point of view. Oops. I used the word "is." How about i write, "The way you write that sentences refers to point of view. One can usually find another way to write something without using the verb "Is."

However, when we went out of (word choice) the mall at about eight thirty p.m, it was snowing.

The snowflake (how many snowflake? just one?) was blown in the whistling wind, and the temperature fell sharply. (You use different tenses for the verbs in your compound sentence. I will do this one for you so you can see how close you caame to getting 100% correct. [The snowflakes blew in the whistling wind and the temperature fell sharply.]) See how when one does not use "was, am, is, were", you can write sentenses using a stronger voice (point of view?)

Hardly could we believe our eyes as it was (write without "to be" verb) already the early summer here. We felt freezing cold with (word choice) only a T-shirt when the strong wind blew on our bodies (superfluous statement which means "unnessary" because anyone who knew you were wearing only a T-shirt could know how you felt . "If somebody brought me a coat right now, I would marry him!" My friend said to me jokingly (adverb not in the correct place).