Gloomy Friday Time is going by so fast. As always. And before I know it, Sunday will be here and I'll have to go back to my college and get ready for a war. Probably not the worst war of my life, but definitely a big war, indeed. To make matters worse, I haven't been studying at all during the holidays. And by now, I just know how to feel scared. I'm seriously doubting myself getting those 4 flats or 3.5 and above or even further my studies in Japan :( This is me, feeling lost and depressed again. I'm so sorry. Don't easily trust anybody. People come and go. Stand up and face the reality.

Goodbye my almost lover Goodbye, my almost lover, Goodbye, my hopeless dream, I'm trying not to think about you, Can't you just let me be, So long, my luckless romance, My back is turned to you, Should've known you'd bring me heartache, Almost lover always do. Okay, don't get too excited with the entry's title. Well, it's just a song lyrics anyway. I really love this song. I love the lyrics. The lyrics are just great. Thanks to my brother for introducing this song to me. I remember one Saturday a few months ago, I was lying on the floor under the fan, half-asleep, half-awake, waiting for my brother to come. And he said, "I've got a song and you gonna love it." He was right. I do love it. I kept repeating over and over again and I couldn't get it out of my head. I'm bored. I want to go out. I want that freedom where we can go wherever we want whenever we want. Boredom speaking here. I can't wait for my cousin to get his driving license and his brand new car. Because why? He is very rich. No doubt he can always get anything he want.

Welcome to the world My uncle has a new baby! His first one. It's a boy! And he has the most beautiful and unique name I have ever heard so far. Maybe I'm just saying that because he is my cousin. I haven't seen him yet. He was born last Thursday. I'm sad because everyone was there to greet him upon his arrival except me. I saw the pictures from my brother's phone. He is so cute! He looks like my other cousin, but he has his mum's mouth. So yeah, welcome to the world! Alhamdulillah, my uncle is blessed with a little baby boy. Idlan Hakimi. They call him Kimi as in Kimi Raikonnen or something, that F1 driver. I don't really know about that. But my brother and I have decided that we will call him Idlan because it is really a nice name and I, personally have not heard of the name before. So, we, the cousins, will be calling him Idlan. He is a cute little baby. He is really fair and has got rosy cheeks. Can't wait to bully him when he grows up. It is payback for all the times my uncle bullied me when I was a kid. Okay, don't take serious. Just joking. I can't wait to see him tomorrow!

I know I know. I may not be the easiest person to deal with. To be with. To take care of. To be around. I can annoy people so easily. I know I'm sometimes just so unbearable to be around. I'm difficult. I'm fully aware of that. I don't have the best morals a person can have. I'm sometimes too silly to think that things are as serious as I'd ever thought it would be, now. Everything should be handled and thought of with care. I take things so lightly. I keep forgetting that I'm not a kid anymore. I know. I'm not the nicest person you'll ever know. God, I remember when things used to be so simple. There was never anything to worry about. It was always about friends, or rebelling against parents. Though I never really went through that phase. I was never the rebel type. I actually had a really good relationship with my parents and my brother. If only things were that simple now. There is just so much to think about. To be aware of. It's like stepping through a pit of nails. Where you just have to be cautious of your every step. I promised that I would work hard. I know I haven't been doing my part of the bargain. I've been slacking off. I promise, I'll do my very best. I'll try.

Great day So things did get better today. Had a great day. A Harry Potter marathon, although it was just 2 movies. We didn't get all the way to the 6th. The first movie was too long. Then we had Domino's Pizza. Delicious! And then we Youtube-ed and browsed blog shops and I had fun. So thanks to my cousins for spending the day with me and turning my holiday around. I got to watching Pretty Little Liars. I love it. Though it was only 1st episode. It's not as superficial as Gossip Girl, I mean, it isn't at all, actually. And it can get pretty freaky, but it's pretty good to watch. I want to get my head round the fact that everything is changing. I mean, it is really now. There's no denying that. You're changing, I'm changing, she's changing, he's changing, they're changing, it's changing. Everything and everyone that I've come to now are changing. I don't know whether I'm comfortable with it, but I guess I just have to deal with it.

Self-esteem I'm not tired. I'm not sleepy. Neither am I energetic. I went to bed at 2 a.m., give or take. And laid there staring at the dark ceiling forcing myself to go to sleep. Until finally, I gave in and turned on the phone. The time was around 1.48 a.m. I decided to send an SMS to the first person that popped into my head; Fatin. So I sent her a message and I was right, she was still awake. So she stayed up messaging with me until I decided that I had to sleep at some point. So I turned my phone off and tried to go to sleep. It was 2.30a.m. at the time. And seriously, what do you do if you have a low self-esteem problem. I honestly think I have that. No joke. I don't care how I dress and all that and neither do I care what people think when they look at me. But I guess there are some things that just gets to me. Like how people judge me just because how I look. Especially when I'm next to my mates. All eyes will be on them. I'm not bitter about that part I guess. I love it when people take interest in my pals. They should be loved. For both, who they are and how they look. Why can't people stop judging looks and focus on the more important thing. It's like judging the book by the cover. Just because the cover's interesting and it catches your eye, it doesn't always mean it's an interesting book. The content can suck like hell. And only some books that catches your eye are as good as it looks. That's my point. I don't think I'm referring to myself anymore. I'm talking more about how looks is all that matters to people these days. Well, you can say that we 'read' the person. Through their face and all. I'm absolutely serious. And even once we read them,we don't judge them. Because what we read isn't always right.

Feelings I'm still not quite over missing my buddies. Although I got to meet my ex-classmates yesterday and it was awesome. I miss them so much. It got me remembering all the times we spent together in class back then at school. Fine, we may not have been the best bunch to hang around with, but hanging out with them yesterday, with the tension all gone and just having fun laughing about. God, I miss them so much. Oh yeah and a very happy me would like to announce that my dearest handsome cousin is coming back from UK next Friday! I haven't seen him since last 2 years, I think, see even I don't remember when was the last time I met him.