Hi Tanya, You have a great structure and supporting ideas. But since you are writing an Opinion Essay, it would be great (and worth some additional points) if you can draw the experiences of friends or family (if relevant). Another thing is the grammar, pay attention to the use of verb and subject (E.g Female tends or Females tend) and articles (like using The on the US). As it might be not perfect (as I'm still learning too), I'll do my best to help you. I'm looking forward to your feedback. ^^

Immigration issues

Nowadays, countries are facing immigration issues, especially in highly developed nations such as the United States, Australia, and the UK. As an immigrant decided to leave their home country and <s style="background-color: transparent; color: rgb(14, 16, 26);">to</s> settle in <s style="background-color: transparent; color: rgb(14, 16, 26);">an adopted</s> a foreign country, there are certain<s style="background-color: transparent; color: rgb(14, 16, 26);">ly</s> arguments <s style="background-color: transparent; color: rgb(14, 16, 26);">as to</s> whether they should discard (alternative:abandon, give up on) their previous culture, customs, and norms in order to integrat<s style="background-color: transparent; color: rgb(14, 16, 26);">ed</s> into the new host country. I intended to argue that immigrants should abandon their past and embrace their new country. Two reasons are elaborated in the following paragraphs. (alternative Although there are a lot of opinions and never-ending discussion, I strongly believe that immigrants should leave their past and embrace their new country which I will further discuss in the following paragraphs.)

First of all, once the immigrants moved to a new host country, they are obliged to abide by the new rules-laws, norms, and culture, since they are officially citizens. As long as the rights of a citizen <s>is</s> are possessed and enjoyed, the obligations should definitely be satisfied accordingly. For example, if an immigrant from the middle east country, where polygyny is accepted and females tend to have lower social status, <s>is moving </s> moves (it's the rule of 1st conditional to use IF + S,present + modal /Simple Future) to the US, he should stick to new laws and norms. Otherwise, he might be sentenced and punished by the court and society. Moreover, (Let's always put a comma after an introduction phrase) the violation of laws and norms would possibly stir up local resident's hatred against the immigrants.

Secondly and most importantly, a healthy society is built on shared values. To maintain <s>the</s> harmony in society, it is crucial for newcomers to respect and adapt to the new social norms (alternative to earn more points: To maintain the harmony in society, it is crucial for newcomers to respect and attune the social norms in force.). Some might argue that assimilation contradicts <s>with</s> immigrant's identity, however, I believe that assimilation does not involve relinquishing all ties to the old country. Moreover (you have used this before, how about other phrases like as a further matter; besides; or furthermore), there are also researches indicating that adhering to <s>culture </s>(you might want to use the adj. form of "cuture" since you have a noun after it.) cultural norms of the host county elicit acceptance, thus, striving to blend in with the society could create a united country with cohesion.

To conclude, given that borders between countries are blurred (better option: becoming seamless; smeared) and the flow of immigrants is likely to continue all around the world. Immigrant assimilation is a vital issue and should be emphasised.(Since this is an opinion essay, it's important to highlight YOUR OPINION. Think back about what you said in the introduction, do you believe those ideas or not? does something contradict your idea? Alterntaively, you can write " to conclude, it's clear that the world is becoming seamless and immigration, as the consequence, is inevitable. Although some argue that cultural assimilation might not be the best, I believe it's an indispensable issue and should be emphasized to maintain harmony in society.)