딸기 밀크셰이크 땡겨서 맥도날드에서(맥도날드에 o) 사러 갔는데 기다리는 줄이 길어서 십오분 정도 기다리게 됐어요. 제 주문 차례 있었을때는(제가 주문할 때 o) 직원이 십월까지(10월 까지 o) 밀크셰이크(밀크쉐이크 o)제조기(기계가 o) 고장났다고 말해서 대신 cola slushy(콜라 슬러시를) 주문하게 됐어요(주문했어요 o) So basically I checked up your practicing sentences and wrote down the better way to say in (~~) First one i take 서 out because 에서 usually means in somewhere not when u are head to somewhere. If you have any more questions just message me. Have a good night!

yes correct Also in here we only say that when we find out someone look very happy than usual. like you humming or dancing somewhere. then we say that to someone!

that vocabulary liteally means tease or bother but so far you guys are like in a good mood then could mean please bother me as your are a pretty ghost. hope you guys date soon!

차 this letter could mean tea or car. like the word like 눈 could mean eyes and snow formal) 저는 제니퍼(just random name)씨의 차가 제 차에 있는지 몰랐어요. 씨 means Mr. or Ms.

correct. yeah it would be better to write your name down in korean letters unless you are showing that someone who can read English.

오늘 바람이 많이 불어요

i wanna do it!

I changed some words and removed some letters too.