I study English in japan,so please help!

250単語以上での意見文の練習中です！

長いですがぜひ添削をお願いします！

Questions

Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Answer

I disagree with this statement, but part of it I agree. I’m sure that growing technology make our life more creative, on the other hand, people don’t confirm this situation, because they have super wide and deep imagination.Thus,I agree with that people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used, but I disagree with that the use of modern technology has made them less creative.

I explain why people can’t enjoy themselves when they get grown technology. People get grown technology, and they can image everything which they couldn’t image in past, so they can’t usually confirm entertainments which was made in past. Moreover, they seek new entertainments. We experience each areas more and more develop. Therefore, people can’t always enjoy entertainments which already exist.

Why do we feel people less creative? I think this is caused by our lifestyle. If we don’t know anythings, we could search everything by using Internet, when we want to see beautiful view, we can see it on every time and everywhere.These cases teach us we are less active and defensive, so we don’t need to action to everything. The technology is growing, we are less still more creativity by negative and defensive.

Given the above arguments, people definitely seek new entertainments, but they don’t action on it. They are waiting for given it. Nevertheless we got technology which can make our life more creative, but we don’t action. We can’t get creative entertainments unless we action with using technology.