[198 In Busan, Korean. (8)]

Would you mind correcting my essay? If you were me, how would 
you go about writing it? 
Which part should I describe in detail? I hope my explanations are clear. I hope you can understand this.

[When did you have the shaved ice? example, Yesterday, this afternoon...] I had a Korean style shaved ice at a [what was the name of the cafe?] cafe in downtown. I saw an article from in a blog of on a website which introduced me to the wonderful shaved ice. and be dissolve

Certainly  Of course, I ordered a baked cheesecake flavor shaved ice with a vanilla ice cream.

I was surprised that they served a cup of condensed milk as well.

While I was eating it the shaved ice which didn’t be melted easily. It is composed of an ice micro powder. of ice.
The taste of the shaved ice was extremely excellent and the quantity was enough.  of quantity.

There were mostly females customers [in the cafe]. I felt a little shy, however, I had a good experience in at the cafe in Busan.  ’s cafe.

Hi Hiro,

This is a very nice essay. I really enjoyed learning more about the shaved ice you had at the cafe in Busan. I made some corrections and suggestions for you above. 

To write a more detailed essay, you may want to include the time of day you went to the cafe, the name of the cafe you had shaved ice at, and the name of the blog where you learned about the shaved ice. As far as grammar, just pay attention to the verb tense you are using and make sure it matches based on the time frame you choose for your essay.

Great work!

~ Sarah