essay help me with it

Expanding my knowledge, getting as much experience as I can so one day I can help and give back to all humanity. This is my primary dream and it’s among the first things on my to-do list.
I applied for a master's degree at three different universities in the fields of medical molecular biology (with special interest in genetics, cancer cell, and molecular biology with biotechnology). The modules involved will help me to expand on what I’ve learned in school and college and help to move one step more toward [note to sarah: toward if American English; towards if English; or use whatever style book you wish] achieving my goal of finding a cure to cancer. I’m taking it one step at time and I believe that studying in the United Kingdom will help me achieve my goal.
As an active student in the laboratory, spending most of my time there, trying different things, I am attempting [instead of another "trying"] to achieve my goal to become a researcher. I was particularly attracted to genetic engineering --specifically that of cancer cells and nanobiotechnology. Because [sarah: might also use Since] I have a dream of helping all humanity by finding treatments for breast cancer.
I’ve always been interested in cancer disease, concentrating my reading in this field. And I followed my dream after I had finished  high school. I applied to universities (with a genetic engineering interest) and I got accepted; now it’s the perfect time in my career to go deeper into my academic research.[sarah: I've edited previous and much was simply a personal choice, such as the semicolon with secondary clause.]
As a hardworking student with an ability to meet deadlines and produce work to a high standard, I think I would be able to put my skills to good use in this course. As I have a keen interest in learning more, this course would be a perfect fit for me.
Having studied genetic engineering at "A level," I have built a strong knowledge base, as demonstrated in my most recent project using Zno Nanoparticles to fight cancer cells without affecting normal cells. I’ve gained an active interest in understanding cell behavior on a new level. Beyond that, I’m an energetic and active person in the community and in my university (I was selected in MEPI program based on that).
In my community breast cancer has become the major threat to female health; it is the second leading cause of death after cardiovascular diseases among women, with a cancer-related mortality rate of 23 [sarah: unsure of this as it is beyond my knowledge base: do you mean 23 times increase in mortality...versus what?] It has been the highest-ranked malignancy among the Iraqi population in general since 1986.
I plan to open a cancer institute after I return from the UK. This will include early detection of breast cancer to help as many people as I can who might suffer from this terrible disease.  [NB: I highlighted some but not all of the corrections; this is my first edit on italki...not sure how others do it so I'm sorry if I am doing it wrong.]