Moving to Seoul Tomorrow-practically today since it's after midnight-, I am moving to Seoul, The capital city of S. Korea. and it's 1:30AM right now and I haven't even started packing. I have just been stress-eating and reading webcomics all day long. yes, I am procrastinating the heck out of this. yes, the chances are that, I probably won't be able to sleep tonight. but why? what is the reason that I can't help but being like this? and I realized, it's because of the fear. so... the fear of what? Technically this isn't the first time I am moving out from home, but then back then I was a minor(thus on my parents' financial support) and it was to study there. so I'd say it's quite different this time, as I really am moving out on my own. without a job, when I am basically broke. And yes. that's where the fear is coming from. I am broke and I am moving to a city where cost of living is 6.88% higher than in United States(aggregate data for all cities)*. why? because I got this wonderful weekend internship that I was dying to get, which actually doesn't pay anything and isn't really directly related to any money-making jobs out there. but then again, I know for sure that I will learn so much from it. and that I just really want to do it. so.. yea. the fear is coming from following what I want without an actual and "realistic" financial plan. you know, when you knew that something was what you wanted and you go for it so bravely and then right before you actually dive into it, you kind of get... anxious and nervous and get plagued with self-doubt and then you start questioning yourself, "can you really do this? I mean REALLY?". so I started writing. as writing down your thoughts and feelings always help you organize your thoughts and make you feel better. and now I do feel a lot better as my thought process changed from "I hate myself and I am freaking pathetic" to "I have realized that the reason why I have been procrastinating all day and been very lazy was because of the fear of not having any money in a month and not being able to pay the rent next month. and having to have to starve. so basically was just worrying about my terrible financial situation. but then just sitting here and worrying about it won't fix anything. but actually starting packing and trying to get some rest will do. at least then I will have more energy to get situated ASAP once I get there so that I can look for a part time job ASAP. so... yea. that is what I'll do now!