第一次在中国

我在这里是留学生，得以我学习汉语。（repetitive subjects, the result clause here is not necessary and a bit awkward）

我住在校内在老外宿舍。（again, the repetition of the same pronoun is not natural）

我很惊诧这里多的东西很便宜。（in chinese one tends to say, ''things here are (relatively) cheap. I am surprised (by that)''）

我来从法国，和那里东西很贵。（the conjunction ''和'' is not necessary; the verb should be at final position）

苏州的城市很美丽。(a little redundant, but no biggie; just like in english people prefer 'london is formidable' rather than 'the city of london is formidable'.)

又很发展又很传统。(poor word choice, but that's not really grammatical so I'll skip this one; as in eng., people often compare tradition with modernity 现代, rather than with development 发展)

有很多漂亮的地方参观的。(参观的 doesnt and shouldnt modify 地方，instead it acts as a mean of utilisation, c.f., eng 'great places to visit' rather than 'great visited/visiting places', 'to' as a indicator for utility is expressed in mandarin thru '去', i.d., 有很多漂亮的地方去参观,)

我很喜欢这座城市。(brava)

也来练习一下我的中文：

现在我在中国苏州，作为留学生学习汉语。我在校内的老外宿舍住。这里很多东西很便宜，我很惊诧。我从法国来，那里东西很贵。苏州很美丽，又现代又传统，有很多漂亮的地方去参观。我很喜欢这座城市。

n.b.

i. keep your sentences short, literary mandarin values short and well-worded sentences much more than labyrinth-like ones filled with long and unnecessary clauses (e.g. german :/). 

ii. learn to cut down some subjects, conjunctions and prepositions, as long as they could be implied from the context let them be implied

iii. experiment with the SOV (verb-final) sentence structures

iv. get rid of your 很, its vague and its not appreciated in practically any languages

p.s. keep up with the good work, mandarin is not the easiest language in the world and it takes a long time to get a hold of her quirks and quarks. your chinese is, though with unavoidable imperfections, as perfectly comprehensible to any other chinese speakers as it could get. dont get frustrated by my critiques.

p.p.s., i found this post while browsing thru the lastest posts in chinese written by french speakers, and only to realise it was posted a year ago when i finished all my comments :/