Essay for TOEFL(English test)

Essay for TOEFL(English test)

Hello. I am currently studying for writing essays so it would be nice if you could help me to improve my writing skill :)

I wrote an essay. If you have time, please have a look and let me know if you find any mistakes!

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Question:
People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Attending college is a great experience in life. People go to college for various purposes.
In my opinion, there are 2 major reasons which I will explore in the following essay.

Firstly, people attend college to expand their opportunities. When people go to college, they would  meet a lot of people from different countries or and cities. Through communication with them, students would be are able to learn many new points of view. for the world. For example, when I entered a college and I met encountered a lot of people who I'd had never met or communicated with before. One of my classmates was working full time while studying and one was a mother who was taking care of a baby while attending a college. In high school, I did not have these chances opportunity to talk to people with from different backgrounds. Through this experience, I learned many things from them and this experience would be very beneficial for my life. time at college will be beneficial to my future.

Secondly, college gives people better chances to succeed. Some professions require getting specific degrees or courses. If you want to become a doctor you need to go to medical school to meet the requirement for the certificate. When people graduate from college, they have better chance to enter their desired become professions. they wish to be. Moreover, they would be able to get a better position in a company or get a higher salary. I started working full time after I graduated from high school. A few years later, I wanted to change my career and increase my skills, so I decided to go to college. Through lectures and discussions in college, I gained many new pieces of knowledge and skills that were needed to develop my career. After graduateding from college, I could get a better job and now I am very satisfied with my achievements.

In conclusion, I feel strongly that colleges help people to expand their opportunities and chances for a better life.

Overall well written! Just be careful when writing long sentences to avoid to many filler words. Also careful with the tenses. Great work overall. :)