A sample of IELTS essay, could you assess my writing?

There is a school of thought that believes the role of schools in teaching children how to be successful individuals outweighs the role of parents, while others disagree . This essay will examine both sides of the argument.

Primarily, parents have an enormous impact on their children in all ways. Children usually take their parents as their role models, and they spend more time with their parents than they spend time in school. As a result , parents teach their children essential manners and principles that help them to integrate into the community effectively.

Conversely, many people argue that schools are the most suitable place for children to learn such qualities. That is because not only do schools have qualified teachers with the required knowledge and skill, but they also provide a suitable atmosphere to teach them. To illustrate this, schools provide many activities for children to help integrate into society such as volunteer work, like helping elderly people or destitute people. Moreover, many people are afraid that parents could affect the personality of their children through transmitting their own thoughts to them whether it is useful or not, it is to be expected.

Considering both views, I personally see the role of schools as having a much greater role than that of the parents, as many parents sometimes do not have enough time to spend with their children teaching them. However, it is crucial not to underestimate the role of parents, and they should be aware of their effective role as complementary to the school's role.

To conclude, both schools and parents have a tremendous role to teach children how to be a successful person in society. It is highly recommended that both should cooperate in order to achieve this target. Only in this way can we expect to have successful members in the future.