Hello Dongje!
Thanks for reminding me of my first day at a university which was located in a different city than my home town!
Your essays look great especially the second one.
I have made a few corrections to your write-up (Please find the corrections at at the end of this message).
For the first assay, I have marked a line in Italics which I was not able to clearly interpret. So, I have not corrected that. In this sentence do you mean to say- During the practice, I not only got to know more about my friends but we acted as a mentor for each other too?
Hope this helps!
Kind Regards,
Swarnim
A few corrections:
I have written down a couple of essays. Thank you for reading my essays.
<ol><li>I met Minsu in the soccer club at the university where I study. We were not as good at soccer as the other members were. So, we practised lifting and kicking for an hour every night. <em>During the practice, I knew about my friends and we affect each other as a mentor</em>. Therefore, we were able get the entry in to our team. After graduation, we choose different paths (for career?), but I keep calling my friend frequently.</li></ol>
<ol><li>I first visited my university with my family. The first day I was afraid because it was the first time for me to be living away from my family. We saw a ceremony that included dancing, singing and cheering. This aroused curiosity within me for my university life. So, I held my heart (may be it is better to use 'Then I felt better?') and started the new semester.</li></ol>
