I guess this is the weirdest phase of my life, I am not sure of almost anything, I’m afraid about the future, sad and anxious about the present, unmotivated and feeling very lonely everyday. Some years ago I would take this time to make something cool, being creative and focused on something that I like, but now, somehow, I don’t feel the same. I have been feeling angry frequently and this drives me away from my family and friends, ‘cause I don’t wanna hurt anyone, not even spread these bad sensations inside me. God, when life became so hard and repetitive? Nothing touches me significantly and i know it is only a problem growing up in silence. I never thought I’d be so tired at the age of 21, damn it.

Quanto può cambiare il concetto pratico di amore senza che cessi d’essere amore? Lo spiego meglio, il numero 1 ha variabili, che vanno da 1 fra 1.99999 ... Se passi a 2, non è più il numero 1. In altre parole, il numero 1 ha variabili, ma ha un limite. Ho notato che persone diverse possono avere opinioni diverse su cosa sia amare, diverse ma ugualmente valide per ogni punto di vista e contesto. Quale sarebbe il limite che non è amare?

Questo è il mio primo testo in italiano, per ciò mi dispiace se sono una merda. Ultimamente mi sono sentita molto male, così da sola che ho paura di questo sentimento. E va bene, so già che siamo nati da soli e siamo solo nella nostra mente, ma per pietà, quando diventa così evidente e palpabile come le mie dita nelle mie mani, mi spavento molto. La cosa strana e assurdamente incomprensibile è che poche settimane fa io ero una delle ragazze più felici di questo pianeta, ad eccezione di alcuni giorni difficili, di breve durata. Ho tanta paura del futuro, se mi sentirò così sola por molto tempo, si mi feriranno, se le mie aspettative andranno tutte frantumi, se sono sulla strada giusto. Il problema è che quando sono contenta, sono contentissima, ma quando vieni la tristezza, da usata da qualcuno che amo, è così forte e dolorosa che mi sento morire. Quindi evito la tristezza, corro da essa come un lupo mannaro scapperebbe da proiettile d’argento, come se fosse la mia fine. Non lo so perché sono così, è un difetto di fabbrica, ma voglio disperatamente sentirmi felice di nuovo, o pelo meno bene. Voglio circondarmi di amore e gioia, senza paura del futuro, senza colpa. Dopo questo mio testo di persona triste, voglio indicare una musica canzone che mi fa sentire protetta e in pace, si chiama Foss’ o’ Dio. Baci ragazzi XX

I don't give a damn about titles :) Hey, I am here again. It's been a long since i write something here, i tried don't feel the need of telling my problems to the walls or people that i don't know, anyways, who do i really know for real? I am in vacation from university now, it has been so stressful there, i feel so tired that i even refuse to go to the kitchen to eat (i used to love eating). There are some signs that make me know that I am not okay, and worst, that i feel empty of my ambitions. Empty of happiness and plans, empty of waking up thinking "YES can't wait until this happen" because actually there's nothing to happen. I feel SO frustrated of having ended up like this, you don't know me (what's fine because i also don't know me well) but i was a kid so cool, so clever and cute. I've had good friends, I was charming And now I am just this 'thing' laying down on bed staring at the celling wondering why do i feel so sad and tired being 20 years old. I feel kinda worried if Van Gogh felt like this before his death. I write here again to register my current dramatic sadness of being a lost human on Earth, quite common and overrated. That's all for today.

This week sucks There are some days that I feel lonely, like right now. I've lost the capacity of open myself to other, in terms of talking about my real and terrifying problems in life, I always feel that I don't need to tell because nobody can helps me on these things. While I write i feel the need of not being like this, at least for today, but tho I can't help it. Life is kicking me out a lot, I wish I could have some control over what's happening to me and around me these last days. I am truly sick and tired of the same old problems.

It's so hard to choose a title! Hi world, I came back here because I was thinking: I come here to tell you - and by 'you' I mean these guys that read my notebook entries and cares about, even send messages (thank you all)!!! - my fears, panics, hopes, disappointments and so on, and I believe that just sharing sad feelings and leavings is not something worthy, I want to tell you that sometimes I feel sad suddenly, like, at the end of the lunch, in the middle of dinner, at the end of a laugh, and it hurts me, it hurts me because I want to feel happy, it's easier to explain happiness than sadness, and I feel ungrateful and embarrased to feel sad without knowing how to explain the exact reason, or because my reasons make me less humble and kindly, or because the people around me need me being happy and excited, as I also like to be, by the way. Also, I feel pained by the changes of plans I made, I love these changes of plan, it makes me a better person, I love having my boyfriend, I love his smile, his loud laughter, my new experiences, but still, the fact that there are such extreme changes, makes me confused and anxious many times, as if I were abandoning my old self, betraying it. I wanted to know how to explain this and not let anyone I love sad, and let them know that I do not love them less, I love them so much actually, but still don't know how to deal with my mind. It haunts me and makes me feel crazy. I also want you to know that I have had incredible weeks, glorious days, where I felt very loved and joyful. "Valentine's day" in my country was pretty cool, even with my Territorially Distant Boyfriend, he made himself present in a way that made me soooo happy. I think that when he returns to my town, he can chase the nightmares of my mind and help me be the serene and happy spirit I like to be. I wish he could live next to me, I miss him so much, more than I could explain. Besides that, my family is healthy and it makes me happy. My sister is at puberty and this makes me really angry. I want to change my hair but I'm afraid that it will get weak, I have pimples on my forehead and I hate it. For now, that's it. I wish you love wherever you are

I slay I'm turning 20 today, and it sounds like a lot of years of life to me, what's weird is that I feel like I was 17, and people think I am 16. Through all this time I've been learning some important things, mainly, that I need, everyday, patiently, keep learning how to love myself truly, and that the worst days won't last forever, even if I don't feel like this at the moment. So, I am grateful for some people that I've met and shared emotions, but above that, because I've been and keep being and I have overcome the pains of life. I wish myself a beautiful and tender life, not fears and not tears.