I really want to volunteer so I decided write a motivation letter , help me fix it

My name is Thanh, Full mane is Nguyen Xuan Thanh. I have been graduated from university for 2 years. I am working as a receptionist at an hotel. Through the information on SJ’s facebook page, I know that your organize was looking for volunteer members for the eye exam program at Nam Định City. I hope that I was accepted taking part in this project, so that I can contribute my ability helping the oversea doctors carry on their work well. In that way, the children in Nam Dinh were accessed medical examination, diagnostic and treated the issue optical- related . I think that those doctors are working their job in an elevated aim , I would be happy to be a part of them. If my motivation letter go through , this will be my firt time to be as a volunteer. And I will try to the best to be open- heart, to be ethusiastic cause I see the importance of this business trip. and yet, this program are also giving me an oppotunity to do the thing that I ought to do when I was in university . I wish for a chance to contribute as a positive, productive human being in society

How I might have written it :-

My name is Nguyen Xuan Thanh.I graduated from university two years ago. I am currently working as a hotel receptionist. Through the information given on your facebook page I see your organization is looking for volunteers for the eye examination program in Nam Định City. I hope I might be accepted to take part in this project, so that I may contribute in helping overseas doctors with medical examinations, diagnostics and treating optical related issues. I think that these doctors work prestigiously and I would be humbled to be part of their team. If my services were to be accepted  this would be my first time to work as volunteer and I would wholeheartedly accept this role with enthusiasm as I see I would be able given an opportunity to practice the knowledge I learned at University. I do wish to contribute as a positive, productive human being to society.