Journal 212

212.
Today, I was going to put my studies aside, but failed again. I wanted to relax because of a little headache that I’ve started noticing recently. I can’t say that it was a real headache—in this case I’d hardly continue to study—but it was something annoying in a right side of my lobe. I wouldn't even call it a headache because there was no actual pain. All I can say is that I haven’t noticed something like this before, and that’s why I worry about it. I suppose that the thing was caused by my inexorable learning. So I tried to do something else: I cooked a soup, took a walk, and, except the hour of thinking, there was no learning till the evening. Then, all of a sudden, I turned on the computer and started watching Peterson’s lectures for three hours without a break. I almost finished watching the course “Maps of Meaning,” and my attitude to the professor became even more respectful despite many differences in our views on some metaphysical and political issues.
Okay, what the hell should I do with this bloody self-control? Really, it’s the damn case when I need procrastination and can’t get it! Last week, I was able to endure a day of deprivation, and after that the next few days were extremely productive. I know I need at least one day for relaxation per week. I have to handle that. I have to learn how to handle that! I will.