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  • Corrected

    Oppressed Nations

    Kashmir and Palestine are the most oppressed nations on the face of the Earth. The UN should hold a plebiscite (plebiscite is technically correct but I've never heard anyone use it. I had to look it up in the dictionary. It would be better to use the word "vote" since it basically means the same thing) in both Indian occupied Kashmir as well as Pakistan-occupied Kashmir on whether they want to become a party to  of either country of countries or stay an Independent state. The people of Kashmir have already suffered a lot because of Islamist jihadists and Indian security forces. India has deployed 700,000 ground troops in Indian occupied Kashmir.


    Suggestions are welcomed :)

     

    Good job. Your writing is very understandable. 

    0 voted
    April 28, 2015
    1
  • Corrected

    Traditional Arts Must be Kept: Kabuki Does Rock!!

    I love music! Most of all, I love what's called Rock Music although I cannot defy define what the genre is like. It might depend on a person's definition. I don't know who the heck named the music of the genre like this, but this wild spirits do have a incredible energy (you could also say "ability" instead of "energy") to move human's minds and hearts. Because the genre was first derived from contemporary electronic music, I had never imagined that I could get this type of sensation when I saw and heard my country's traditional art, Kabuki.

    In Kabuki, there are many types of stories and genres of the stories which depict ordinary people's drama, romance, justice, revenge, horror, and Gods and spirits. I especially like spirit plays called Syakkyou Mono which features a tiger's spirit falling down to a dancer. It is characteristic of Asian dances have some characteristics to call for spirits during the dance, which is very sacred and requires the dancer to follow lots of mannerisms and behaviors followed by strict training. As a result, they acquire super naturalistic appearances on stage. This is so hard to explain in the words, but one thing I can surely tell is that it is as if the dancer is as if electrified. It is like a puppet with full of energy.

    Moreover, the orchestrated music is just amazing. I think classical music is highly sophisticated with human's intellect, but asian traditional music is sophisticated in a very different senses. To compare, I will just superficially breifly talk about drums. In classical or asian orchestras, they divide type of drums by type. In contemporary music band, a single drummer plays various drums in the drum set. In Kabuki, each drummer plays a different pitch and rhythme like classical orchestras, but one of the major differences is that they make interjected chants which sounds like screams and roars of various animals. Kabuki is often parodied with this distinctive tone of voices, but if you hear them directly in the theater, i am sure you will feel Rock'n roll!! Those chants are hardcore especially in the spirits stories. Three types of drummers makes different pitches of sound and chants and they enter a trance-like state become like a state of trance in order to call the tiger spirits or to express (if I understand what you are trying to say here, it would sound better to say "to symbolize" than "to express") the spirits coming down. The drums play roars like a storm, but just before the spirit shows up on the stage, they become quiet quite and slow for a moment, but this silence is so dazzling and contains a sense of danger as if there is a calm before the storm quiet air before the storm reaches. The name of the repertoire ("repertoire" is correct but it isn't used very often. It would sound better to just say "plays") I saw today is Syunnkyou Kagamijisi. (春鏡鏡獅子)

     

    It looks like there are a lot of corrections, but you still did a really good job. You can write a lot more in English than I can in Japanese. I hope this helps. If you need someone to practice with, let me know. 

    0 voted
    April 28, 2015
    1
  • Corrected

    Hello everryone

    Hello everybody. My name is Thuy. I come from VietNam. My english is not good. i So i want to improve my english. I hope that i can make more friends and learn about other people each other.
    Thanks

     

    Good job. I hope you make a lot of friends. Good luck on your english. 

    0 voted
    April 28, 2015
    1
  • Corrected

    A car accident..

    I had a car accident at the very late night on last Thursday night, actually very early morning on Friday morning.
    I was coming back home by taxi after night work (you chould also say "after working the night shift") by taxi. A motorbike driver ignored the traffic light at the cross road (I usually say "intersection" instead of "crossroad") and it crashed into the taxi that I was in.. I was sitting at the right side of back seat and wasn't wearing the seat belt. So I fell down to the left and my shoulder and head crashed into the door...ㅠㅠ Fortunately I didn't get a serious injury but I was told that the motorbike driver died that a few hours later. Though I was lucky enough, I will need to get some physical therapy until I recover entirely. Today I went to work for the first day after the accident and I felt really tired and had more pain on my neck and left arm. I might go to hospital tomorrow morning. This is so frustrating.. I hope I recover very soon!

     

    Good Job. You're writing is very easy to understand. I made a few corrections that should help it to sound smoother. I hope you feel better soon. 

    0 voted
    April 28, 2015
    0
  • Corrected

    やばくね?

    The final is coming up as if a mantis is creeping up on my stomach. In the end, it will beheads me.
    Just joking, but it is seriously. I took five classes this semester, which are analog photography, graphic design, English(requisite), psychology, and something for a freshman (you could also say "...and a freshman class"). The last one is so painful. Why do I have to learn about being successful at 21 years old? Well, let's stop complaining. There's no point.

    How is it going, everybody?

     

    Good job. I hope this helps a little. Ya, some classes can seen pointless can't they. しょうが無い、な. Hopefully I said that correctly. Good luck on finals. 

    0 voted
    April 28, 2015
    1