#2 Rewrite an Essay of IELTS Writing. Please help me to correct it. Thanks for your time <3

Thanks to the medical revolution and the higher standard of living, the average life expectancy is increasing compared to the past. However, this trend also results in some problems for individuals and society.
To begin with, it is the fact that the rising of the number of old people has a direct impact on the economy. When the old retire, we lost a lot of skillful and potential employees, who were trained and had much working experience. As the result, firms, factories and companies lack the human resources to fill the positions for it requires a certain period to recruit new members for staff and train according to the demands of work. Another disadvantage of this trend is that governments may have pressure to take care their old citizens. They may have to spend thousands of dollars on medicine and treatments for senior people annually. Besides the affects to society, rising average life expectancy also brings about problems for individuals. We cannot deny the fact that pace of life is now fairly fast and people appear to busier with their works. Women go to work and want to get promotion in their careers instead of stop to give birth. This is not only the reason but also the result of aging populations. Young generations continue to work and do not get home until late in the evening while the old feel solidity in their homes.
As regards some solutions to these problems, it is generally believed that it requires the cooperation of society and individuals. The governments can create job opportunities for the old citizens, such as gardeners and gate keepers, etc. Towards medical system, health care administrators can appeal to the volunteers who support money or hard work for hospitals or health care centers. This practice allows people to have a close connection in the society, especially old people. More importantly, governments should help the old citizens to be aware of the importance of keeping healthy such as doing exercises and having a nutritious diet through heath programs to lower the expenses for medicine and treatments. Above all, to change the trend of aging populations, governments should encourage women to give birth to make the population younger.
In conclusion, obviously this trend is definitely a good development for it has proved that our life is better, both physically and mentally. Although this causes some problems as mentioned above, these drawbacks could be controlled and this job requires the efforts in the long run.