A writing task for the IELTS

Okay, so this is my first writing essay for practice for the IELTS.
Hopefully someone will give me some advices! Thanks!

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This map shows the range of sites and the distance of the nearest towns from the edges of the town center of Garkedon and its population in order to compare 2 possible sights for the surpermarket.
As can be seen, the S2 siteght S2 is placed in the Town Centre. Also, it is closer than the S1 site S1 to the town Cransdor, where the population is 29,000, which is the largest amount of people there.
Although Because there is no traffic zone in Town Centre, it could be troublematic for people from the other towns who wish to come go there by cars. The only traffic transportation available is the train railway.
On the other hand, the S1 site is out of the town; however, people are able to get there by cars, also and the railway is available.
The population of the nearest town from the S1 site, Hindon's, population is 10,000;  this is almost 3 times smaller than the population of the town near the S2 site.
Overall, the S2 site seems to be a better place for the supermarket.

Overall, good job! The "Town Centre" correction was only because of its spelling in the picture. Also, "sight" is being able to see or vision, while "site" is an area (though they sound exactly the same). ; is an upper-level punctuation mark, and you don't have to worry about it too much. You may want to split the sentence into two where I put the ; instead. Either will work. Again, good job!