She doesnt care for/about me at all. 

Perhaps she hides her feelings well. 
Pain and fear make our souls suffer, and they don't allow/stop(1) us from breathing, from filling our lungs all the way. 

I won't do this until the end of my life/for the rest of my life.I think this is what you mean.

(1) I think 'stop' sounds more natural 'don't allow', but both are correct

Original

Good

Correction

Suggestion

Let me introduce my house

I live in 강변 which is a quiet residential area.

I live in Gangbyeon, which is a quiet residential area.

I live on the 24th floor in a 25 story apartment.

I live on the 24th floor of a 25 story apartment building.

There are 3 bed rooms, 2 bathrooms, a kitchen and a living room. 

There are 3 bed rooms, 2 bathrooms, a kitchen, and a living room.

When I enter my house, I can see a spacious living room.

When I walk in my house I can see a spacious living room

(When you first walk into my house there is a spacious living room.)

In the living room, there is a TV, a sofa, a computer, a cabinet, some paintings on the wall

In the living room is a TV, a sofa, a computer, a cabinet, and some paintings on the wall.

On the right, there is my room .

To the right is my room.

My room is not that big, so there's nothing much inside. There is a small bed, a book shelf, and a desk.

My room isn't that big, so there's not much in it; just a small bed, a book shelf, and a desk.

Next to my room, there is a kitchen which has a lot of stuff such as refrigerator, sink, stove and microwave oven.

Next to my room is the kitchen, which has a lot of things in it,  such as a refrigerator, sink, stove, and microwave oven.

Across the kitchen is the master bed room where my parents sleep. In my parent’s room, I can see a bed, a dresser closet, and a desk.

Across from the kitchen is the master bedroom, where my parents sleep.  In their room is a bed, a closet, and a desk.

I usually spend time in the living watching TV.
because It has a big window. So I can enjoy a nice view of outside. Also I can get enough sunshine during the day. So I feel very warm.

I usually spend my time in the living watching TV. (no because) The living room* has a big window, so I can enjoy the nice view outside; also it lets in plenty of sunshine during the day, so I feel very warm.

*because the last thing mentioned is the TV, you need to specify that you're talking about the living room again.

Even though my house is a little bit old, it is a very comfortable and cozy place for me.

I you were writing this for something official you would probably use Jeff's corrections, but if you're writing it for something casual like a blog or letter to a friend, these corrections are more natural sounding.