I would like to learn how to use better English expressions(11)

We had been talking for about an hour in my room when the feeling of delight escaped was not there and the room was just became enveloped in awkward silence. It was a curious thing, indeed. The atmosphere was had not been that bad. even when We met each other two years after we both (this simplifies the sentence.  It also prevents it from being a "run-on" sentence.) our entering the entered into military service. at the same period of time, Given that, we lost track of the time chatting over a drink. Probably Maybe (just sounds more natural to me)because we all felt awkward, we was were forced to smile.

I would like to learn how to use better English expressions, so I hope you can help correct errors in my writing.

To be honest when I read the first sentence I was very surprised in the word usage.  I'd even call it poetic.  I changed those words to add to the poetic nature of that sentence.  I hope my corrections still keep the meaning of what you were tring to say.  The one thing you could be more clear about is how many people you are talking about.  At first I thought it was about two people but at the end it seemed like more than two.  "because we ALL felt awkward" makes me think more than two.  

Are you saying that you met a friend after both of you finished military service?  Also you entered the military at the same time?  that was a little unclear at first.  Also, in the first sentence, was the feeling awkward the whole time?  Or did it become awkward after one hour?  I assume the second option.  If it was the first you would want to say "bout an hour in my room WHILE the feeling of delight..."  If that is the case, then replacing "when" with "while" would have been the only correction needed.  I hope my corrections were useful!  Good job though.