No, I believe your conjugation of unemployment is wrong. If you chose to use the first part of your sentence I would then use the term unemployed and remove his. Making your sentence read "his lack of perseverance renders him unemployed."

"render" "and "perseverance" are good words but are formal. In everyday conversation, we would say something like: "He lost his job because he didn't work hard enough." I recommend working on basic sentences which include "because".