is it correct?the first paragraph,thank you!
Describe a time that you shared something with someone
what you shared
when you shared it
who you shared it with
and explain why you shared it or how you felt when you shared it.

I would like to talk about my experience of sharing transportation with a stranger. It happened in this summer vacation, while I was riding on a plane with my best friend, Amy to Yunnan for a trip.At first, I was totally excited since it was my first time to visit Yunnan. I had heard about the beautiful scenery there. I couldn’t wait to embrace the nature.
Afterwards, I realized that I was seated next to a woman with a baby. The baby cried non-stop during the flight which made it impossible for me to get any rest. At that time, I felt frustrated and a little angry. Throughout the flight, the mum kept apologizing to me, but there was nothing she could do to make the baby stop crying.

Question

is it correct?the first paragraph,thank you!
Describe a time that you shared something with someone
what you shared    
when you shared it    
who you shared it with 
and explain why you shared it or how you felt when you shared it.

I would like to talk about my experience of sharing transportation with a stranger. It happened in this summer vacation, while I was riding on a plane with my best friend, Amy to Yunnan for a trip.At first, I was totally excited since it was my first time to visit Yunnan. I had heard about the beautiful scenery there. I couldn’t wait to embrace the nature. 
Afterwards, I realized that I was seated next to a woman with a baby. The baby cried non-stop during the flight which made it impossible for me to get any rest. At that time, I felt frustrated and a little angry. Throughout the flight, the mum kept apologizing to me, but there was nothing she could do to make the baby stop crying.

Answer

Both paragraphs read fine.

"Embrace the nature" is somewhat unnatural. I guess 'embrace' is usually used for things that are very real ("I embrace my friend"), or things that are very abstract ("I embrace the future"). In the sentence 'Nature' is being treated as something that is real: it makes it sound like you want to go and hug a tree.

You might want to say something like 'embrace the natural environment' (in order to make nature not the object of the sentence any more). You could also swap to another verb like 'experience' or 'see'.

Answers · 1

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