Please help me to correct my essay. Thank you so much!
TOPIC: In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not building new homes there.
What is your opinion about this?
Across the globe, some people argue that rural areas should be used for new homes when in need, while others think it should be conserved. This essay believes that countryside spaces should be protected because creating new accommodation in those areas can harm wild animals and deteriorate the environment.
On the one hand, building new houses and facilities for human beings in rural areas can put many species in the danger of extinction. That is to say that this activity, per se, takes away a multitude of homes and living spaces of wild animals which were already forced to flee to those areas when the cities were built. As a result, those living things have no place to go and end up dying given that the new homes for humankind take place in their current living environment. The case of pandas is one of the typical examples of how urbanization impacts other animals’ lives.
On the other hand, expanding human living areas due to overpopulation can make current environmental problems, such as the global warming issue, worse. Because people need to deforest to build new communities, and conduct other supporting activities like farming or producing consuming products which creates much more carbon emissions to the Earth. For instance, China has currently faced serious air pollution since they started to urbanize small villages and wild areas in 1991 to deal with their population problem.
In conclusion, countryside and wild areas should be conserved to protect wild animals from extinction and minimize the environmental impact of human activities to the Earth.
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Corrections · 8
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Please help me to correct my essay. Thank you so much!
TOPIC: In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not building new homes there.What is your opinion about this?
Across the globe, some people argue that rural areas should be used for new homes when in need, while others think it should be conserved. (I believe that) countryside spaces should be protected because creating new accommodation in those areas can harm wild animals and deteriorate harm/hurt the environment.
On the one hand, building new houses and facilities for human beings in rural areas can endanger many species in the danger of extinction. That is to say that this activity, per se, takes away a multitude of homes and living spaces (better: would destroy the habitats) of wild animals which had already been forced to flee to those areas when the cities were built. As a result, those living things creatures have no place to go and end up dying given that the new homes for humankind take place in their current living environment. The case of pandas is one of the typical examples of how urbanization impacts other animals’ lives.
On the other hand, In addition, expanding human living areas due to overpopulation can make current environmental problems such as the global warming issue, worse. This is because people need to deforest to build new communities,and conduct other supporting activities like farming or producing consuming products which creates much more carbon emissions unclear because this would happen if the population increases whether or not the people lived in the city or the country. You might want to say, "and providing transportation, food and services to these new communities would increase water and air pollution." to the Earth. For instance, China has faced serious air pollution since the government started to urbanize small villages and wild areas in 1991 to deal with its population problem.
In conclusion, countryside and wild areas should be conserved to protect wild animals from extinction and minimize the environmental impact of human activities to the Earth.
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TOPIC: In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not building new homes there.
What is your opinion on this?
Across the globe, many people argue that rural areas should be used for new homes when in need, while others think that they should be conserved. This essay believes that the countryside should be protected because creating new accommodation in these areas can harm wild animals and deteriorate the environment.
Firstly, building new houses and facilities for human beings in rural areas can endanger many species. This also takes away a multitude of homes and living spaces of wild animals that had already been forced to flee to these areas when cities were built. As a result, these creatures have no place to go to and end up dying. The case of pandas is one of the typical examples of how urbanisation impacts other animals’ lives.
Secondly, expanding human living areas due to overpopulation can make current environmental crises, such as the global warming issue, worse. Since people need to deforest to build new communities and conduct other supportive activities like farming or producing consumer products, there is a substantial increase in carbon emissions. For instance, China is currently facing serious air pollution since they started to urbanise small villages and wild areas in 1991 to deal with their population problem.
In conclusion, the countryside and wilderness should be conserved to protect wild animals from extinction and to minimise the impact of human activities on the environment.
What is your opinion on this?
Across the globe, many people argue that rural areas should be used for new homes when in need, while others think that they should be conserved. This essay believes that the countryside should be protected because creating new accommodation in these areas can harm wild animals and deteriorate the environment.
Firstly, building new houses and facilities for human beings in rural areas can endanger many species. This also takes away a multitude of homes and living spaces of wild animals that had already been forced to flee to these areas when cities were built. As a result, these creatures have no place to go to and end up dying. The case of pandas is one of the typical examples of how urbanisation impacts other animals’ lives.
Secondly, expanding human living areas due to overpopulation can make current environmental crises, such as the global warming issue, worse. Since people need to deforest to build new communities and conduct other supportive activities like farming or producing consumer products, there is a substantial increase in carbon emissions. For instance, China is currently facing serious air pollution since they started to urbanise small villages and wild areas in 1991 to deal with their population problem.
In conclusion, the countryside and wilderness should be conserved to protect wild animals from extinction and to minimise the impact of human activities on the environment.
1
TOPIC: In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not building new homes there.
What is your opinion on this?
Across the globe, many people argue that rural areas should be used for new homes when in need, while others think that they should be conserved. This essay believes that the countryside should be protected because creating new accommodation in these areas can harm wild animals and deteriorate the environment.
Firstly, building new houses and facilities for human beings in rural areas can endanger many species. This also takes away a multitude of homes and living spaces of wild animals that had already been forced to flee to these areas when cities were built. As a result, these creatures have no place to go to and end up dying. The case of pandas is one of the typical examples of how urbanisation impacts other animals’ lives.
Secondly, expanding human living areas due to overpopulation can make current environmental crises, such as the global warming issue, worse. Since people need to deforest to build new communities and conduct other supportive activities like farming or producing consumer products, there is a substantial increase in carbon emissions. For instance, China is currently facing serious air pollution since they started to urbanise small villages and wild areas in 1991 to deal with their population problem.
In conclusion, the countryside and wilderness should be conserved to protect wild animals from extinction and to minimise the impact of human activities on the environment.
What is your opinion on this?
Across the globe, many people argue that rural areas should be used for new homes when in need, while others think that they should be conserved. This essay believes that the countryside should be protected because creating new accommodation in these areas can harm wild animals and deteriorate the environment.
Firstly, building new houses and facilities for human beings in rural areas can endanger many species. This also takes away a multitude of homes and living spaces of wild animals that had already been forced to flee to these areas when cities were built. As a result, these creatures have no place to go to and end up dying. The case of pandas is one of the typical examples of how urbanisation impacts other animals’ lives.
Secondly, expanding human living areas due to overpopulation can make current environmental crises, such as the global warming issue, worse. Since people need to deforest to build new communities and conduct other supportive activities like farming or producing consumer products, there is a substantial increase in carbon emissions. For instance, China is currently facing serious air pollution since they started to urbanise small villages and wild areas in 1991 to deal with their population problem.
In conclusion, the countryside and wilderness should be conserved to protect wild animals from extinction and to minimise the impact of human activities on the environment.
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Please help me to correct my essay. Thank you so much!
TOPIC: In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not building new homes there.What is your opinion about this?
Across the globe, some people argue that rural areas should be used for new homes when needed, while others think it should be conserved. I believe that countryside spaces should be protected because creating new accommodation in those areas can harm wild animals and deteriorate the environment.
On the one hand, building new houses and facilities for human beings in rural areas can put many species in the danger of extinction. That is to say that this activity, per se, takes away a multitude of habitats of wild animals which were already forced to flee to those areas when the cities were built. As a result, those/these creatures/animals have no place to go and end up dying; given that the new homes for humankind takes place in their current natural habitat. In the case of pandas it's one of the typical examples of how urbanization impacts animals’ lives. (you do not need to say 'other animals', no need to do a comparison, you are talking about all living creatures)
On the other hand, expanding human living areas due to overpopulation can make the current environmental problems, such as the global warming issue, worse. Because people need to deforest to build new communities, and conduct other supporting activities like farming or producing consumer products which creates much more carbon emissions to the ozone layer. For instance, China has currently faced serious air pollution since they started to urbanize small villages and wild areas in 1991 to deal with their population problem.
In conclusion, countryside and wild areas should be conserved to protect wild animals from extinction and minimize the environmental impact of human activities to the Earth.
That is very good you get your point across well. But the essay cannot believe only an essays author in this case it is presumably you. Can believe or have an opinion.
To remove ambiguity, you need to say "when needed". "When in need" you would use to refer to either the humans or creatures being in need, although it is true that the animals creatures are "in need".
Across the globe, some people argue that rural areas should be used for new homes only when humans are in need.
Across the globe, some people argue that rural areas should be used for new homes of people in need.
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Hi Bea - Thank you for sharing your thought. I learnt a bunch of English expressions from your comment :). I reckon that housing crisis now happens not only in developed countries but also in developing countries like my home country, Vietnam, which makes it become a global concern. And one simple solution I can think of is making the city life become vertical. It could help to create more affordable and livable spaces and prevent urban sprawl.
Look forward to receive your feedback on my next notebook. Have a great day.
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