Please help me to correct this entry #5
People who don't love or accept themselves tend to hide who they are to please others. They are people who are ashamed of themselves because they fear being rejected. Their fear is so big, that they don't skimp on paying the high price of ceasing to be spontaneous, natural and real, in order to be accepted. These people who pretend to be someone they are not, hurt themselves and everyone around them. Also, they forget that sooner or later the truth will come to light.
Search from various English teachers...
Corrections · 8
0
Well written. I would suggest a minor change.
Please help me to correct this entry #5
People who don't love or accept themselves tend to hide who they are to please others. They are people who are ashamed of themselves because they fear being rejected (These people are ashamed of themselves because they fear rejection). Their fear is so big, that they don't skimp on paying the high price of ceasing to be spontaneous, natural and real, in order to be accepted. These people who pretend to be someone they are not, hurt themselves and everyone around them. Also, they forget that sooner or later the truth will come to light.0
Please help me to correct this entry #5
People who don't love or accept themselves tend to hide who they are to please others. They are people who are ashamed of themselves because they fear being rejected. Their fear is so big, that they don't skimp on paying the high price of ceasing to be spontaneous, natural and real, in order to be accepted. These people who pretend to be someone they are not, hurt themselves and everyone around them. Also, they forget that sooner or later the truth will come to light.Hey, this is well-written! I only have an extremely minor criticism, it really would be fine without this it's just for making the language more relaxed. The sentence "Their fear is so big, that they don't skimp on paying the high price of ceasing to be spontaneous, natural and real, in order to be accepted" reads as a little 'stiff' and unnatural, mostly the 'they don't skimp on paying the high price' part, maybe changing it to 'they are willing to pay the high price of...' instead feels more natural. Again, this is a very small thing, definitely not a necessity.
0
Thank you very much!
0
Hi. This is very well constructed. One very small thing: I would add a comma after "These people" so it says, "These people, who pretend to be someone they are not, hurt themselves and everyone else around them."
I agree with Emma that "also" should not start a sentence, but want to point out that is only in formal writing. In speech, and in informal writing, people start sentences with conjunctions all the time.
0
Thanks a lot!
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!
Start Learning Today
