please kindly check my writing... I need your help!!
Why some people feel there are too much choices.
It's true that there are tons of choices we can get now. People can select jobs, educational programs, foods, etc. The more countries develop, the more products are generated. In this point of view, I'm going to focus on one topic: consuming activity. As of before World War 2, our consuming activity was limited because of poor technology. For example, if you wanted to buy a car at this time, you wouldn't choose what to buy. There were a few choices to select because car industry didn't have technology to care for another thing like exterior. The things had changed after the devastated war. People focused on improving technology and making a lot of money in stead of fighting with each other. People could get money and buy many products. Company which made that products got high profits so their workers earned a lot of salaries. And then these workers consumed variety types of products. Advertising companies added this continuing consumerism and created values. That values were broadcasted by media such as TV and people received these values. Advertisement created desires to consume these values in people's mind and company was eager to respond to that demands. In order to clear this state, I'm going to take an example: Why people want to buy Lexus. Lexus is a high brand of Toyota. It's expensive but really cool. Considering these two functions, both of them are almost the same.(some of Toyota cars are better than Lexus ones.) So, why do people want to get that expensive car? It's mainly because if you get a high brand's car, you feel a kind of superiority and attract attentions from their surroundings. Therefore, these people tend to consume not their functions but values. Nowadays, this system is spreading our society and can be applied to our consuming activity.Thus, there are plenty of products are created now and some people feel there are too much choices.
Thank you for reading. If you'll check my writing, that will be glad to me. Thank you in advance!
Corrections · 2
0
Why some people feel there are too much many choices.
It's true that there are tons of choices we can get make now. People can select jobs, educational programs, foods, etc. The more countries develop, the more products are generated. In this point of view essay, I'm going to focus on one topic: consuming activity consumerism.
As of before Before World War 2, our consuming activity consumerism was limited because of poor technology. For example, if you wanted to buy a car at this time, you wouldn't couldn't choose what to buy. There were a few choices available to select because the car industry didn't have the technology to care about things for another thing like the exterior.
The things Things had changed after the devastated devastation of war. People focused on improving technology and making a lot of money in stead instead of fighting with each other. People could get money, and buy many products. Company Companies
Advertising companies added to this continuing consumerism and created values. That These values were broadcasted by media such as TV, and people received these values them. Advertisement created desires to consume these values in people's minds, and company was companies were eager to respond to that those demands.
In order to clear this state make this state clear, I'm going to take an example: Why people want to buy Lexus cars. Lexus is a high luxury brand of Toyota. It's expensive, but really cool. Considering these two functions the functions of these two, both of them are almost the same. (some of Toyota cars are better than Lexus ones.). So, why do people want to get that the more expensive car? It's mainly because if you get a high luxury brand's car, you feel a kind of superiority and attract attentions from their your sur
–––
Good job! One complicated note: about the use of parentheses. If you put a phrase in parentheses in a sentence, it should be placed before the period. For example:
Both of them are almost the same (some Toyota cars are better than Lexus ones).
This is the correct usage. Typically, you should not put a period inside the parentheses.
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!
00:00
00:00