Corrections · 2
English essay c2 part 2
Hey everyone, I thank you in advance for the correction. If you could also give me your opinion about the coherence or the theme it would be awesome.The previous method seems to have not caused victim yet, but another scary example of what we could call “ghost terrorism” concerning biological and chemical weapons did [Is this sentence following a previous paragraph that talked about this "previous method"? Otherwise this sentence is confusing because it lacks context]. Bioterrorism consist in is the act of controlling chemicals or biological agents in order to spread into the environment viruses or bacteria that could kill millions of people. Just imagine a weapon whose means of transport would be the most common those most commonly used by humans, such as air, water, food and people. We would be wondering every minute if what we’re drinking is safe, if our sandwich could transmit some sort of ["some sort of" sounds like there are many variations but smallpox is usually referred to as a specific disease] smallpox or if we would come back home alive after a supposedly regenerating rejuvenating ["Regenerating walk" isn't a common combination. Rejuvenating sounds more natural] walk in the mountains. We would live anxiously and terrified. Just to set an To give a real life example, ["Just to give an" would also be right, but I think your point is that this is a real example compared to an illustrative example] in 2001, took place “Amerithrax” took place [putting "took place" before the event sounds odd], where some letters containing anthrax were sent in the USA killing 5 people and infecting several others. Not only could these this processes could be carried out remotely, but also they could require several days to burst in manifest ["burst in" sounds like a person bursting through the doors of some place, manifest seems more appropriate for this situation]. For that reason, it would be almost impossible to discover the criminals.
In conclusion, we may be bound to change from experiencing a fear of someone in disguise among us that we could touch and catch to a phantom but an omnipresent danger [the "but" makes this confusing, easier to simplify to "an omnipresent danger"]. From a faceless but physically participating menace to an invisible, intangible and nebulous one. Whether we believe it or not, we cannot deny the terrifying and dreadful implications that cyber [seems odd to add "cyber" here since this is the first time you mention it] and bioterrorism could have on our life.
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Ciao Sebastiano. Good job and interesting (though terrifying) topic. I've made edits straight in the text and added comments on coherence in brackets [ ]. Hope this helps!
Rachel
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