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TOEFL a writhing section Hi, I will take a TOEFL next weekend. Today I practiced a writing section. If someone correct my grammar, that would be nice. Thank you for this in advance. This is a topics 032: Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. Those are my ideas. 1 life is only onetime no regret 2 money will be noting 3 see more different cultures This is my answer. Some people say that people should same money for future, because when we become adult, Have kids, we really need money. Other people think that people should enjoy with their money when they earn it. If asked you asked them, both side would provide logical reasons to support their stance. I think enjoy money when we earn it for some reasons. Let me explain what I mean. First of all, life is one time. I think this is the most important for us. For example when my mom was single, she worked a lot and saved money. So she didn’t much enjoy her young period of her life , she said too much focus on her future and save money. Now she says if I could go back to when I was younger, I would like to go on travel a lot and see many cultures. Secondly, money is nothing when I die. Even I would save lots of money, it would be juts like peace of paper. In my opinion, people should enjoy life, make many experiences as much as we can, We can’t buy memories, experiences by money. Thirdly, when we go on travel, we learn many things. I started travel around the world when I was 18 years old. I work and earn money then spend money for traveling more than saving. But I have never regretted because I met many people whose very nice to me, also I saw many different cultures.I have learned many things, also In conclusion, for the above reasons. I think enjoy my money more then save for future.

Corrections · 3

1

Secondly, money is meaningless when I die.
Even if I managed to save lots of money, it would just be the same as paper once I passed on.
In my opinion, people should enjoy life and have as many experiences as much as they can.
We can’t buy memories or experiences with money.

Thirdly, when we go on a trip, we learn many things.
I started travelling around the world when I was 18 years old.
I work and earn money, then I spend that money on trips rather than saving it.  
But I have never regretted it because I met many people who were very nice to me, also I saw many different cultures. I have learned many things as well***. 

In conclusion, for the above reasons, I think enjoying my money is better than saving it for the future.


** (I removed "people here because it is best not to repeat the same word. It is not incorrect per se, but a wider vocabulary sounds more pleasant)


*** (I replaced "also" with "as well" so there is not as many repeating words again)


Hello Momoko. I had to place 2 corrections instead of one since iTalki didn't allow me to post it all in one go. I hope my correction accurately describes what you wished to express and ends up helping you with your TOEFL. I wish you a wonderful day and hope you continue improving your English. Don't give up! 


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TOEFL a writing section

Hi, I will take a TOEFL next weekend.
Today I practiced a writing section.
If someone can correct my grammar, that would be nice.
Thank you for this in advance.

This is the topic: 
032: Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

These are my ideas.
1 You only live once, you should do so without regrets.

2 Money is meaningless.

3 I believe we should spend money to experience different cultures. 

This is my answer.
Some people say that we should save money for the future, because when we become adults and have kids, we really need money.
Others** think that people should enjoy with their money when they earn it.
If asked you asked them, both side would provide logical reasons to support their stance.
I support the idea of enjoying our money when we earn it for some reasons.
Let me explain what I mean; 

First of all, you only get to live once. 
I think this mentality is the most important thing for us. For example, when my mom was single, she worked a lot and saved money, so she didn’t much enjoy her youth much , she said she became too much focused on her future and onsaving money. Now she says: "If I could go back to when I was younger, I would like to go travelling a lot and see many cultures".

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