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Iran flagRoja Adineh
disapprove request Dear Madam/ sir At the moment, I live in Los Angeles temporarily and I’m a resident of this city, but as soon as I find good job, I move other city. I would like to work with you as a Persian teacher, but it is not cost-effective to me, one day a week. But if you have branches in Los Angeles or the nearest towns, I could cooperate with you. Thanks

Corrections · 4

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[Please find comments and explanations highlighted in blue, corrections highlighted in yellow]


disapprove request

Dear Madam/Sir
At the moment, I live am living temporarily in Los Angeles temporarily and I’m a resident of this city [By saying that you are living temporarily in a place you cannot be a resident. I think you do not need to say this, unless you mean something different.]. but [You could skip the but, by placing a period, and starting a new sentence] As soon as I find a good job and , I and move to another other city.  [replace the period with the comma] I would like to could [I think it is better to use a conditional here, as you are stating that if something happens, other things will too] work with you as a Persian teacher.  Currently, [you may want to state that this is a present condition] but it is not cost-effective to for me to work [I am guessing that this is what you mean] one day a once per week, But if you have branches in Los Angeles or the nearest towns, I could cooperate with you. [I am not sure how this sentence fits, since at the beginning you said that you are living temporarily in LA, and you are hoping to move from there. So I am guessing that you meant what I wrote next.] unless you have branches in a nearby town.
Thanks


[I hope this is somewhat useful. Cheers]

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disapprove request


You'll find my corrections below:


Dear Madam/Sir


At the moment, I am living in Los Angeles temporarily and I’m a resident of this city.  (It is a bit weird to say that you're a resident of a city, when you're only living there temporarily.) As soon as I find good job, I would like to move to another city. It would be within my interest to work with you as a Persian teacher, but, unfortunately, it is not cost-effective for me since it is only once a week.  If there is the possibility that you have branches in (Los Angeles... but you're going to move, right?) nearby towns, I could cooperate would be interested in pursuing these.


Thanks


Hope this is helpful for you :)

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