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Belarus flagEugene Kovko
Essay #218 "Weight Control" 23.08.18 Fashion is a very powerful thing which can make people change their lives drastically. In recent decades many people have become so afraid to gain weight that they have starved themselves to the point that they get serious problems with their health; anorexia is quite a graphic example. In my opinion, people should pay more attention to their health and take dieting quite seriously. One of the main reasons why it happens, is the fact that fashion has a great influence on people, especially the young. It makes them believe that if they look a certain way, it will help them to be successful in their lives. Thus, many young people try to change their appearance and lose weight, sometimes to an extreme degree. All this not only distorts the image of plain human beauty, but also the image of the person overall. So, people should understand that fashion magazines are not manuals on how to live life, and they should not follow them over their common sense. To solve this problem, people should be educated about their health, so they would know that their weight and body constitution is individual to them. It should not be altered to fit one particular model, in order to meet all fashion demands. Also, as weight and body fat plays a great role in the functioning of the body, people should take its alteration very seriously. If they want to lose or gain some weight, they should consult real doctors and not fashion magazines. Wrong and thoughtless dieting can create very serious problems with health. To conclude, fashion has a very influential effect on our lives and affects people’s lifestyles, sometimes to an extreme degree. The main problem is that sometimes fashion requirements can contradict common sense and moreover can even violate people’s health. Thus, people should make their decisions, especially those which involve their well-being, based not on advice from fashion magazines, but on opinions of professionals.

Corrections · 5

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PART 2

To solve this problem, people should be educated about their health, so they would know that their weight and body constitution is individual to them ['them' matches 'their' weight]. It cannot [->should not] be altered to fit one particular model, in order to meet all fashion demands. Also, as weight and body fat plays a great role in the functioning of the body, people should take its alteration very seriously [or plural: 'play... take their...']. If they want to lose or gain some weight, they should consult real doctors and not fashion magazines. Wrong and thoughtless dieting [or 'a wrong... diet...'] can create very serious problems with [->for the] health.

To conclude, fashion has a very influential effect on our lives and affects people’s lifestyles, sometimes to an extreme degree. The main problem is that sometimes fashion requirements can contradict common sense and moreover can even violate people’s health. Thus, people should make their decisions, especially those which involve their well-being, based not on advice [plural not used; 'advise' is a verb] from fashion magazines, but on opinions of professionals.


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PART 1

Essay #218 "Weight Control" 23.08.18

Fashion is a very powerful thing which can make people change their lives drastically. In recent decades many people have become so afraid to gain weight that they have [to match 'have become'] starved themselves to the point where [->'that'] they get serious problems with their health; anorexia is quite a graphic example. In my opinion, people should pay more attention to their health and take dieting quite seriously.

One of the main reasons why it happens, is the fact that fashion has a great influence on people, especially young ones [->the young]. It makes them believe that if they look a certain way, it will help them to be successful in their lives. Thus, many young people try to change their appearance and lose weight, sometimes to an extreme degree. All this not only distorts the image of plain human beauty, but also the image of the person overall. So, people should understand that fashion magazines are not manuals on how to live life, and they should not follow them over their common sense.


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Very interesting topic ... it would be more complete if it was mentioned that magazines are made to make money ... and that incomes comes before values in many businesses. Great job and style... i hope to be able to write that way sooner :)
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Looks like you are writing academic essay for IELTS or AWA ( GMAT).. :))

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