Search from various English teachers...
Athena
IELTS 2 It is popular for young people having a gap year to work or travel between finishing high school and starting university studies. In the gap year, young people travel around and see the different world. The advantage is people can learn new things from travel. For example, I am now working holiday in Australia, and I make many friends from different countries. We share our cultures and learn to respect to different culture. Another advantage of having a gap year is that I become more dependent and understand that I should believe in myself. In the past, my parents would arrange all things for me, the only thing I need to do was follow their plan. But in Australia, I have to learn how to live by myself, so I know how to cook and I can rent a house in english on my own. There are also some disadvantages in having a gap year. If there is something means a lot to the young people's family, and he or she is traveling around, it will be sad that he or she is not there to stand by their side. My grandmom is suffered from cancer, and I was not there when she was in operation. Another disadvantages is that it may cost a lot on travel for some family. Some people spend almost 2 month salary to working holiday in Australia. It is very expensive for some people. After they come back to their home country, some company think a gap year is not necessary, so they may be considered as time wasting people. Some countries encourage young people to have a gap year to understand what they really want. Although there are some advantage and disadvantage on it, as long as people think carefully and understand the risk, people should be no regrets for the decision they made.

Corrections · 8

3

Part One

It is popular for young people having a gap year to work or travel between finishing high school and starting university studies.

In their gap year, many young people travel around and see the world. The advantage of having a gap year is that people can learn new things from travel. For example, I am now on a working holiday in Australia, and I make many friends from different countries. We share our cultures and learn to respect different cultures. Another advantage of having a gap year is that I have become more (1) independent and understand that I should believe in myself. In the past, my parents would arrange everything for me, and the only thing I needed was to follow their plan. (2) However, in Australia, I have to learn how to live by myself, so now, I know how to cook and I can rent a house in English on my own.

(3) On the other hand,there are also some disadvantages in having a gap year. [If there is something means a lot to the young people's family, and he or she is traveling around, it will be sad that he or she is not there to stand by their side] (4) Sometimes, family emergencies can arise while a student is away for a gap year – this may result in feelings of regret later on. My grandmother is suffering from cancer, and I was not there when she had her operation. Another disadvantage is that travelling may be too expensive for some families. Some people spend almost two months of their salary while on a working holiday in Australia. Such a budget may be beyond the reach of some people. After they return to their home country, some companies think that a gap year is not necessary, so they may be considered as (5) idlers.  

Some countries encourage young people to have a gap year to understand what they really want. Although there are some advantages and disadvantages of having a gap year , students should think carefully about the pros and cons, and have no regrets for the decision they made.


3

Part Two

Hi Athena,

Just to share:

(1) You were trying to describe yourself as being less reliant on others and planning everything for yourself instead. To express this meaning, we use "independent". Someone who is "dependent" on others tends to rely on others to arrange everything for them. 

(2) In formal writing, we try not to start a sentence with "But", unless we are speaking casually or writing informally. 

(3) In your third paragraph, you are starting to elaborate on the disadvantage of having a gap year. This is a departure from your second paragraph where you shared on the advantages. To prepare the reader for a focus shift, it would be good to use cohesive devices such as an introductory phrase.

(4) I understand what you are trying to bring across in your [sentence], but the sentence structure is rather convoluted. Therefore, I inserted a new sentence highlighted in blue.

(5) An "idler" is someone who idles (lazes around and does nothing productive). You may have heard of the word "bum" which is a more informal word with a similar meaning.

I hope these help.  

(There is a word limit, so I had to split my comments into two)

0

IELTS 2

It is popular for young people to have having a gap year to work or travel between finishing high school and starting university studies.
The gap year allows young people travel around and see the different parts of the world. The advantage is that people can learn new things from travelling. For example, I am now on a working holiday in Australia, and  making many friends from different countries. We share and learn how to respect  our cultures and learn to respect to different cultures. Another advantage of having a gap year is that I have become more independent and understand that I should believe in myself. In the past, my parents would arrange all things everything for me, the only thing I needed to do was follow their plan.But However, in Australia I have to learn how to live independently by myself, so I need to know how to cook and how to I can rent a house in English on my own.
There are also some disadvantages in having a gap year. If there is something means a lot to the young people's family, and he or she is traveling around, it will be sad that he or she is not there to stand by their side. If something important happens back home with the family, it may be sad not to be able to be there to give support. My grandmom is suffering from cancer, and I was not there when she was in had an operation. Another disadvantages is that it the cost of  travel may be high  cost a lot for some families. on travel for some family. Some people spend almost 2 months salary to for a working holiday in Australia. It is very expensive for some people. After they come back to their home country, some companies think a gap year is not necessary, so that person may be considered a time waster.  they may be considered as time wasting people.

Some countries encourage young people to have a gap year to understand what they really want. Although there are some advantages and disadvantages on taking a gap year.   As long as people think carefully and understand the risks, people should be have no regrets for the decision they made.

Want to progress faster?

Join this learning community and try out free exercises!

Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!

Start Learning Today