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Mexico flagLili
Informal comment correction! Hello italki friends! I have a written assesment of my english class that I want to correct. I have to write two comments in regards the subject 'MUSIC IN PUBLIC PLACES IS ANNOYING'. The comments needs to be written in informal english, using slangs and connectors. What advice can you tell me, I feel that they're too forced. Reply to another comment: I don’t really agreed on what SheilaFeels says, and I’m not trying to be mean but how foolish is to ask every single customer what type of music does they prefer while their shopping ? Absurd I shall point out, particularly for a large and successful market; in the long run, what a good owner could do, and it’s to limit his product and the people who aim it. I’m pretty aware of how music works as my dental assistant daily life tells, it’s too important for our patients using music instead of silence, we can get them calm and breezy; quite honestly it’s pointless to ask around if they prefer as background a good quality of cover mixes or the ocean waves to reduce their dentist fear. Own comment: I’m one of those humans who, no matter the situation, her love for music remains strongly to coexist in public spaces; but as the article name, there’re times and places to play it. Besides, not the whole world is attached to particular types of music. Not long ago, a technological cellphone fashion was ringtones with a song you liked. God! How creepy was to hear them ringing all the time on the middle of a silent room, especially if your tone had banda or a Mexican corrido on it. Bizarrely enough, some phone companies still keep this feature with the addition of a monthly payment for its use. For real! Music in public places should have boundaries rather than be banned. Thanks and have a nice night Lily

Corrections · 4

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Own comment:

I’m one of those [people sounds more natural], no matter what the situation, whose love for music [is - 'remains' is emphasising something true in the past is still true now] strong [use the adjective, not adverb] in public spaces; but [too formal; try there's definitely a time and a place]. Besides, not the whole world is attached to particular types of music. Not long ago,  [too formal; try people still thought it was cool to listen to lame ringtones on their mobiles]. God! How creepy was it to hear them ringing all the time on the middle of a silent room, especially if your tone had banda or a Mexican corrido on it! Bizarrely enough, some phone companies still keep this feature with the [a little formal; try an extra] monthly payment for its use. For real! Music in public places should have boundaries rather than be banned.

Yellow = grammar correction

Blue = suggestions for more informal language

:)

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Reply to another comment:

I don’t really agreed [present simple] with [you (dis)agree with a person; if two people have the same opinion about something then they agree on it] what SheilaFeels says, and I’m not trying to be mean but how foolish ['foolish' is a little formal; 'dumb' would be better] is it to ask every single customer what type of music ['how' is your question word, so you don't need 'does'] they prefer while their they're ['they're' is the contraction of 'they are' - 'their' is a determiner (for possession)] shopping? This is Absurd ['absurd' is quite formal; crazy or stupid would be informal alternatives] I shall point out [too formal], particularly for a large and successful market; in the long run, what a good owner could do, is to limit his product and the people who it's aimed it at. I’m pretty aware of how music works as I'm a Dental Assistant and it’s too ['too' means 'superfluous'] really important for our patients using to listen to music instead of silence, [too formal - try 'to help them chill out']. Quite honestly, it’s pointless to ask around if they prefer [word order] a [no need for article] good quality of cover mixes or the [no need for article] ocean waves as background music to reduce their fear of dentists fear!

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Hey Lily, I wrote a correction for you but when I hit 'submit' it won't post :( If you still want it I'd be happy to email it to you, if you private message me your email.

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