Corrections · 4
Own
comment:
I’m one of those [people sounds
more natural], no matter what the
situation, whose love
for music [is -
'remains' is emphasising something true in the past is still true now] strong [use the adjective, not adverb] in public spaces; but [too formal;
try there's definitely a time and a place]. Besides, not the
whole world is attached to particular types of music. Not long ago, [too formal; try people still thought it was
cool to listen to lame ringtones on their mobiles]. God! How creepy
was it to hear them
ringing all the time on the middle of a silent room, especially if your tone
had banda or a Mexican corrido on it! Bizarrely enough, some phone
companies still keep this feature with the [a little formal; try an extra] monthly
payment for its use. For real! Music in public places should have boundaries
rather than be banned.
Yellow = grammar correction
Blue =
suggestions for more informal language
:)
I don’t really agreed [present simple] with [you (dis)agree with a person; if two people have the same opinion about something then they agree on it] what SheilaFeels says, and I’m not trying to be mean but how foolish ['foolish' is a little formal; 'dumb' would be better] is it to ask every single customer what type of music ['how' is your question word, so you don't need 'does'] they prefer while their they're ['they're' is the contraction of 'they are' - 'their' is a determiner (for possession)] shopping? This is Absurd ['absurd' is quite formal; crazy or stupid would be informal alternatives] I shall point out [too formal], particularly for a large and successful market; in the long run, what a good owner could do, is to limit his product and the people who it's aimed it at. I’m pretty aware of how music works as I'm a Dental Assistant and it’s too ['too' means 'superfluous'] really important for our patients using to listen to music instead of silence, [too formal - try 'to help them chill out']. Quite honestly, it’s pointless to ask around if they prefer [word order] a [no need for article] good quality of cover mixes or the [no need for article] ocean waves as background music to reduce their fear of dentists fear!
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!
Start Learning Today
