Corrections · 7
Every night I empty my heart
Every night I empty my heart
But my in the morning its full again1
Slowly droplets of u you seep in thought she night's soft caress
In night's soft caresses, thoughts of you slowly seep into me.
At By dawn I am overflowth with thought of us
And An aching pleasure that gives me of no respite
Love cannot be contained
The neat pack aging of desire splits asunder 2
Spilling crimson thoughts 2 into my days
Too long I have Long langushing languish
Days that are now bruised with tender with yearing
Spent searching for a fingerprint a trace,
A scent or a breath you left behind.
Good imagery.
1. I am just correcting your grammar. However, if I were to correct the style, I would write something like the following to match it, "But mornings filled it back."
2. This makes no sense in English. I cannot decipher your thoughts. Write in Chinese for an accurate correction.
Every night I empty my heart
Every night I empty my heart
But by morning it's full again
Droplets of you seep into my thoughts
Under night's soft caress
At dawn I am overflowing with thoughts of us
An aching pleasure that gives me no respite
Love cannot be contained
The neat packaging of desire splits asunder
Spills crimson thought into my days
Long languishing
Days spent searching for a fingerprint
A scent, a breath you left behind
I took out this line because it didn't really add much imagery for me. Also, it gives your poem 12 lines, which is a great length for a poem =)
I'm impressed by this poem. Your wording is very advanced and powerful. Great job =)
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