Analytical Writing Assessment: Practice 02
The following appeared in an article in a health–and–fitness magazine:
"Laboratory studies show that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several of the minerals necessary for good health and that it is completely free of bacteria. Residents of Saluda, the small town where the water is bottled, are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. Even though Saluda Natural Spring Water may seem expensive, drinking it instead of tap water is a wise investment in good health."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument.
My response:
The author first states that research found out that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several healthy ingredients and it is completely free of bacteria. Then, the author states that residents of Saluda are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. Therefore, the author concludes that drinking bottled Natural Spring Water instead of tap water is a wise investment in good health. However, I don’t think that the author’s argument is reasonably sound.
First of all, the author failes to consider that tap water of Saluda could also be Saluda Natural Spring Water. Saluda Natural Spring Water is bottled in Saluda doesn’t mean that bottle water is the only resource of Saluda Natural Spring Water. There might be plenty of Saluda Natural Spring Water, so it is bottled in order to sell to other places.
In addition, Saluda Natural Spring Water may not be the only reason that residents of Saluda are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. For example, less environment pollution, healthy life style and balanced diet may lead to above average health of Saluda residents.
Last but not least, there is possibility that the process of bottling may damage contained minerals. In other words, bottled Saluda Natural Spring Water may not have the same healthy effect as original Saluda Natural Spring Water.
In conclusion, the argument is not logically convincing. To strengthen the argument, the author would have to provide additional evidence to support his or her conclusion.
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Corrections · 4
1
The author first states that research found out that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several healthy ingredientsminerals/substances and it is completely free of bacteria. ("ingredients" are like something combined into something, like a recipe. "What ingredients do we need for this cake recipe?") However, I don’t think that the author’s argument is reasonably sound. (This sounds very strange. "reasonably" as an adverb can mean that a thing is reasonable, but it can also be a degree. "I am reasonably sure that the appointment is on Wednesday. I'm not completely sure so I will check my calendar later."... In fact, this usage is the most common for "reasonably" I think. "is well-reasoned." would be okay too.)
First of all, the author fails to consider that the tap water of Saluda could also be Saluda Natural Spring Water. (This is not clear from the statement and I understand what you mean to say but it needs to be said differently. It sounds to me like the author is saying that the tap water of Saluda IS the same natural spring water and this accounts for their good health. The author does not explicitly say that everyone in Saluda buys Saluda Natural Spring Water in bottles. We do not know the relationship between Saluda tap water and Saluda bottled water, nor the drinking habits of the Saluda inhabitants.) Just because Saluda Natural Spring Water is bottled in Saluda doesn’t mean that bottled water is the only resource source of Saluda Natural Spring Water. (Or "Saluda Natural Spring Water being bottled in Saluda doesn't mean that..." instead of "Just because". "resource" is like a thing("thing" sounds like slang, don't use it in writing). "Our greatest natural resource is our spring water." and "source" is where something is from, like origin, etc.) There might be plenty of Saluda Natural Spring Water, so it is bottled in order to sell to other places. (Again, this whole paragraph should be changed.)
In addition, Saluda Natural Spring Water may not be the only reason that residents of Saluda are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. For example, less environmental pollution, a healthier life style and a more balanced diet may lead to the above average health of Saluda residents.(So "a polluted environment" "environmental pollution". The others I changed to be more of a comparison... and "the" because it is the specific circumstance of the above average health referred to previously.)
Last but not least, there is a/the possibility that the process of bottling may damage contained minerals. ("the bottling process" is more usual. "may affect the quality." "may inhibit/disrupt the health effects of the natural spring water." "damage contained minerals" sounds strange. You wouldn't damage a mineral. A mineral is some chemical, some molecule. You could say "denature" but that's very technical/specific and I don't think applies here.)In other words, bottled Saluda Natural Spring Water may not have the same healthy effect as original Saluda Natural Spring Water. ("... the same healthy effects of the original Saluda natural spring water." sounds better... "of"... also, don't capitalize natural, spring, or water, when you're not using it as part of the product name.)
In conclusion, the argument is not logically convincing. To strengthen the argument, the author would have to provide additional evidence to support his or her conclusion.
First of all, the author fails to consider that the tap water of Saluda could also be Saluda Natural Spring Water. (This is not clear from the statement and I understand what you mean to say but it needs to be said differently. It sounds to me like the author is saying that the tap water of Saluda IS the same natural spring water and this accounts for their good health. The author does not explicitly say that everyone in Saluda buys Saluda Natural Spring Water in bottles. We do not know the relationship between Saluda tap water and Saluda bottled water, nor the drinking habits of the Saluda inhabitants.) Just because Saluda Natural Spring Water is bottled in Saluda doesn’t mean that bottled water is the only resource source of Saluda Natural Spring Water. (Or "Saluda Natural Spring Water being bottled in Saluda doesn't mean that..." instead of "Just because". "resource" is like a thing("thing" sounds like slang, don't use it in writing). "Our greatest natural resource is our spring water." and "source" is where something is from, like origin, etc.) There might be plenty of Saluda Natural Spring Water, so it is bottled in order to sell to other places. (Again, this whole paragraph should be changed.)
In addition, Saluda Natural Spring Water may not be the only reason that residents of Saluda are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. For example, less environmental pollution, a healthier life style and a more balanced diet may lead to the above average health of Saluda residents.(So "a polluted environment" "environmental pollution". The others I changed to be more of a comparison... and "the" because it is the specific circumstance of the above average health referred to previously.)
Last but not least, there is a/the possibility that the process of bottling may damage contained minerals. ("the bottling process" is more usual. "may affect the quality." "may inhibit/disrupt the health effects of the natural spring water." "damage contained minerals" sounds strange. You wouldn't damage a mineral. A mineral is some chemical, some molecule. You could say "denature" but that's very technical/specific and I don't think applies here.)In other words, bottled Saluda Natural Spring Water may not have the same healthy effect as original Saluda Natural Spring Water. ("... the same healthy effects of the original Saluda natural spring water." sounds better... "of"... also, don't capitalize natural, spring, or water, when you're not using it as part of the product name.)
In conclusion, the argument is not logically convincing. To strengthen the argument, the author would have to provide additional evidence to support his or her conclusion.
1
Analytical Writing Assessment: Practice 02
The following appeared in an article in a health–and–fitness magazine:"Laboratory studies show that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several of the minerals necessary for good health and that it is completely free of bacteria. Residents of Saluda, the small town where the water is bottled, are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. Even though Saluda Natural Spring Water may seem expensive, drinking it instead of tap water is a wise investment in good health."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument.
My response:
The author first states that research found out that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several healthy minerals and it is completely free of bacteria. Then, the author states that residents of Saluda are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. Therefore, the author concludes that drinking bottled Natural Spring Water instead of tap water is a wise investment in good health. However, I don’t think that the author’s argument is reasonably sound.
First of all, the author fails to consider that tap water of Saluda could also be Saluda Natural Spring Water. Saluda Natural Spring Water is bottled in Saluda doesn’t mean that bottle water is the only resource of Saluda Natural Spring Water. There might be plenty of Saluda Natural Spring Water, so it is bottled in order to sell to other places.
In addition, Saluda Natural Spring Water may not be the only reason that residents of Saluda are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. For example, less environment pollution, healthy life style and balanced diet may lead to above average health of Saluda residents.
Last but not least, there is the possibility that the process of bottling may damage contained minerals. In other words, bottled Saluda Natural Spring Water may not have the same healthy effect as original Saluda Natural Spring Water.
In conclusion, the argument is not
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