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IELTS Writing Part1 This bar chart illustrates the proportion of men and women who taught in seven different faculties of a particular university in 2012. The figures saw various fluctuation in seven different faculties which dominated by either sex, and more even distribution between genders in others.

Firstly ,most men taught as academic staff in seven different faculties that is engineering , whose figures stood at over 80% . In contrast , only about 15% of teachers in engineering were women. This figure is the lowest among seven faculities in women. But over 70% of women taugh in education.

However other faculities were balanced in thier composition. In medicine ,gender percentage were almost equal. Moreover business and science had a same proportions of me and women. In art, slightly more than half the academic were women while more than half the teachers were men in law.

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IELTS Writing Part1

This bar chart illustrates the proportion of men and women who taught in seven different faculties of a particular university in 2012. The figures saw show/indicate/represent various fluctuations  (various is a plural word) in seven different faculties which dominated by were predominantly of either sex, and or a more even distribution between genders in other cases.

Firstly ,a higher percentage of men taught as academic staff over the seven different faculties as a whole. The highest difference was that of engineering , whose figures stood at over 80% male staff. In contrast , only about 15% of teachers in engineering were women. This figure is the lowest among the seven faculties in women. But over 70% of women taught of lecturers were women in education.

However other faculties were balanced in their composition. In medicine, the gender percentages were almost equal. Moreover, business and science had the same proportions of men and women. In art, slightly more than half the academics were women while more than half the teachers were men in law.

You have a good idea of the structure required in your answer but your execution needs to improve. 

You need to pay much more attention to plural forms. Some of your sentences do not clarify what you are comparing. There are one or two careless spelling mistakes. Try to leave yourself a minute to just quickly read through your answer.

I think it might be a useful exercise to try to rewrite the answer to this question.

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