A Short Story I Wrote: The Flower Who Was Afraid of the Dark
This is a a short story I wrote for kids. I also draw the pictures for the story but the pictures cannot be upload here:( So the story cannot be illustrated here. Sorry about that.
And the whole story goes like this:
On a starry night, a little firefly was flying in the night sky.
He lit up his way in the dark night with his glowing tail.
When the firefly was flying around the bushes, he suddenly heard someone sobbing.
He turned around started flying in the direction of the sound.
He had found the source. It turned out to be a flower who was crying.
The firefly flew towards the flower and asked her, “Why are you crying?”
She answered, “I am scared at night. I am afraid of the dark.”
“Because scary monsters come out at night.”
“Scary monsters? Where?” asked the firefly.
“One of them is over there！It has a big scary mouth!” said the flower.
The firefly flew towards the monster and lit it up with his glowing tail.
“This is not a monster. It’s just a tree! Don’t be scared.” said the firefly.
“One of them is hiding in the bushes！It has a pair of glowing eyes!” said the flower.
The firefly flew towards the monster and lit it up with his glowing tail.
“This is not a monster. Mr. Raccoon is eating his late-night snacks! Don’t be scared.” said the firefly.
“One of them is always around me. It keeps asking who who……” said the flower.
The firefly flew towards the monster and lit it up with his glowing tail.
“This is not a monster. It's just the sound Mr. Owl makes! Don’t be scared.” said the firefly.
“And I feel alone at night.” said the flower.
“You are not alone. I can be your friend.” The firefly replied.
“I can also be your friend.” said Mr. Raccoon.
“I can also be your friend.” said Mr. Owl.
The flower smiled and said, “Thank you all, guys! I'm not scared anymore.”
She found that what at first seems frightening may not be so scary after all, especially when your friends are nearby.
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Corrections · 11
2
A Short Story I Wrote: The Flower Which/That (Who) Was Afraid of the Dark
And the whole story goes like this:
On a starry night, a little firefly was flying in the night sky.
He lit up his way in the dark night with his glowing tail.
When the firefly was flying around the bushes, he suddenly heard a sobbing sound. (
He turned around and started flying in the direction of the sound.
He soon (
The firefly flew towards the flower and asked her, “Why are you crying?”
She answered, “I am scared at night. I am afraid of the dark.”
“Because scary monsters come out at night.”
“Scary monsters? Where?” asked the firefly.
“One of them is over there！It has a big scary mouth!” said the flower.
The firefly flew towards the monster and lit it up with his glowing tail.
“This is not a monster. It’s just a tree! Don’t be scared.” said the firefly.
“One of them is hiding in the bushes！It has a pair of glowing eyes!” said the flower.
The firefly flew towards the monster and lit it up with his glowing tail.
“This is not a monster. Mr. Raccoon is eating his late-night snacks! Don’t be scared.” said the firefly.
“One of them is always around me. It keeps asking who who……?” said the flower.
The firefly flew towards the monster and lit it up with his glowing tail.
“This is not a monster. It's just the sound Mr. Owl makes! Don’t be scared.” said the firefly.
“And I feel alone at night.” said the flower.
“You are not alone. I can be your friend.” The firefly replied.
“I can also be your friend.” said Mr. Raccoon.
“I can also be your friend.” said Mr. Owl.
The flower smiled and said, “Thank you all, guys! I'm not scared anymore.”
She found that what at first seems frightening may not be so scary after all, especially when your friends are nearby.
Nice story and your grammar is very good. We would normally associate 'who' as being a person, so better to use 'which' or 'that' when talking about a thing such as a flower. Again, 'someone sobbing' would indicate a person so I think better to keep that neutral and just say 'a sobbing sound'. Overall, very good!!!
1
A Short Story I Wrote: The Flower Who Was Afraid of the Dark
This is a a short story I wrote for kids. I also draw the pictures for the story but the pictures cannot be upload here:( So the story cannot be illustrated here. Sorry about that.And the whole story goes like this:
On a starry night, a little firefly was flying in the night sky.
He lit up his way in the dark night with his glowing tail.
When the firefly was flying around the bushes, he suddenly heard someone sobbing.
He turned around started flying in the direction of the sound.
He had found the source. It turned out to be a flower who was crying.
The firefly flew towards the flower and asked her, “Why are you crying?”
She answered, “I am scared at night. I am afraid of the dark.”
“Because scary monsters come out at night.”
“Scary monsters? Where?” asked the firefly.
“One of them is over there！It has a big scary mouth!” said the flower.
The firefly flew towards the monster and lit it up with his glowing tail.
“This is not a monster. It’s just a tree! Don’t be scared.” said the firefly.
“One of them is hiding in the bushes！It has a pair of glowing eyes!” said the flower.
The firefly flew towards the monster and lit it up with his glowing tail.
“This is not a monster. Mr. Raccoon is eating his late-night snacks! Don’t be scared.” said the firefly.
“One of them is always around me. It keeps asking who who……” said the flower.
The firefly flew towards the monster and lit it up with his glowing tail.
“This is not a monster. It's just the sound Mr. Owl makes! Don’t be scared.” said the firefly.
“And I feel alone at night.” said the flower.
“You are not alone. I can be your friend.” The firefly replied.
“I can also be your friend.” said Mr. Raccoon.
“I can also be your friend.” said Mr. Owl.
The flower smiled and said, “Thank you all, guys! I'm not scared anymore.”
She found that what at first seems frightening may not be so scary after all, especially when your friends are nearby.
What a well written story! Your English is impressive. This is what I love about italki. People like you from all over the world bring insights very different from the western approach. Keep writing.
1
This is almost perfect English, as well as a good story. There are only a very few small mistakes (such as a missing comma). Here is my corrected version:
A Short Story I Wrote: The Flower Who Was Afraid of the Dark
And the whole story goes like this:
On a starry night, a little firefly was flying in the night sky.
He lit up his way in the dark night with his glowing tail.
When the firefly was flying around the bushes, he suddenly heard someone sobbing.
He turned around, and started flying in the direction of the sound.
When he found the source. It turned out to be a flower who was crying.
The firefly flew towards the flower and asked her, “Why are you crying?”
She answered, “I am scared at night. I am afraid of the dark, because scary monsters come out at night.”
“Scary monsters? Where?” asked the firefly.
“One of them is over there！It has a big scary mouth!” said the flower.
The firefly flew towards the monster, and lit it up with his glowing tail.
“This is not a monster. It’s just a tree! Don’t be scared.” said the firefly.
“One of them is hiding in the bushes！It has a pair of glowing eyes!” said the flower.
The firefly flew towards the monster and lit it up with his glowing tail.
“This is not a monster. Mr. Raccoon is eating his late-night snacks! Don’t be scared.” said the firefly.
“One of them is always around me. It keeps asking who who……” said the flower.
The firefly flew towards the monster and lit it up with his glowing tail.
“This is not a monster. It's just the sound Mr. Owl makes! Don’t be scared.” said the firefly.
“And I feel alone at night.” said the flower.
“You are not alone, I can be your friend.” The firefly replied.
“I can also be your friend.” said Mr. Raccoon.
“I can also be your friend.” said Mr. Owl.
The flower smiled and said, “Thank you all, guys! I'm not scared anymore.”
She found that what at first seems frightening, may not be so scary after all, especially when your friends are nearby.
0
I also drew pictures for the story but they cannot be uploaded here
0
Hope to get the corrections[emoji]☀️Thanks!!
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