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Could you help me correct my composition? Thanks! Dear Sir or Madam, As a freshman in our university, I am writing to extend my gratitude for the service you have provided in the library where I spend much of my spare time reading and increasing my professional knowledege. To improve the service , I would like to put forward several suggestions. First, there is an urgent for computers lined to a network, which can greatly faciliate our information research, otherwise it's time-consuming for us to find out what kind of books and documents are we really want. Moreover, some books on shelves are out of date and then are little value to our study and paper writing, it would be more convenient if the libaray could purchas more newly published books and magazines. But in general, the service you offered is high standard. I hope you will find the above proposals conducive, and thanks for you consideration.

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Could you help me correct my composition? Thanks!

Dear Sir or Madam,
As a freshman at this university, I am writing to express extend my sincere gratitude for the all the improvements that have been made service you have provided in to our the library, a place where I would spend much of my spare time reading. and increasing my professional knowledege. ( this is obvious) To improve on what you have  done so far, the service  I would like to put forward several suggestions.
First, there is an urgent need for our library to have electronic catalogues of all the books available there so we can access to them through a network, which can greatly faciliate our information research, without us having to go through the tedious process of searching for what we would want by ourselves. we want otherwise it's time-consuming for us to find out what kind of books and documents are we really want. Moreover, some of the books on shelves are out of date and then are of little value to us. our study and paper writing, ( this is obvious) It would be most helpful more convenient if the libaray the management could purchase more newly published books as well as magazines. But in general, the service you offered is high standard. But, overall,  I am very pleased with the current services and facilities available in our library right now. 
I hope you will find the above proposals helpful conducive and hope you will take them into consideration.

thanks for you consideration.> This is common phrase at the end of a letter, but it's not good as you don't know whether the person will consider it or not, unless you are talking to the person face to face and you know that your suggestions will be considered.

Thanks and regards,

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Could you help me correct my composition? Thanks!

Dear Sir or Madam,
As a freshman in our university, I am writing to extend my gratitude for the service provided by the library, where I spend much of my spare time reading and increasing my professional knowledege. In general, the service you offer is of a high standard. However, I would like to put forward several suggestions that I believe would improve the service.

 
First, there is an urgent need for networked computers with internet access. This would greatly faciliate information research.  Right now,  it's time-consuming for us to find the books and documents we really want. Moreover, some books on the shelves are out of date and  are of little value to us. , it would be helpful if the library could purchase more recent journals and books. 


I hope you will take these proposals into consideration as you plan future services for the library.


Thank you for your time. 

Notes:

you wrote: " it would be more convenient if the libaray could purchase more newly published books and magazines." convenience is not the issue here, so it is not the correct word to use here. helpful perhaps, or flip the complete sentence and say "more recent journals and books would help... or would be more useful or something similar.

thanks -- too informal when writing such a letter.  Use "thank you"

conducive -- you can't use this word alone.  Something is conducive to something.  A quiet space is conducive to studying.

Thank you for your consideration.  This is a perfectly good sentence, but since it is now used in the sentence above you don't want to use the same word twice.



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Could you help me correct my composition? Thanks!

Dear Sir or Madam,
As a freshman in our university, I am writing to extend my gratitude for the service you have provided in the library where I spend much of my spare time reading and increasing my professional knowledege. To improve the service , I would like to put forward several suggestions.
First, there is an urgent need for more computers connected to the network, which can greatly facilitate our information research, otherwise it's time-consuming for us to find out what kind of books and documents are we really want. Moreover, some books on shelves are out of date and then are little value to our study and paper writing. It would be more convenient if the library could purchase more newly published books and magazines. But in general, the service you offered is high standard.
I hope you will find the above proposals helpful, and thanks for you consideration.

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