Corrections · 5
It is well known that physical and mental health are important for students. That is why I agree with spending money on students' sports activities, it helps them to live a better life during critical years.
As we all know, sports are important for health. Students spend a great amount of time seated at their desks, for studying. The universities should give them the opportunity to do more outdoor activities. Playing sports is a good way to help prevent a lot of physical diseases. It is important to promote physical activity within the students' environment. In addition, physical activity helps to free our minds and relax.
Nowadays, more people go to university. There is more competition amongst students, which is a factor that increases their state of anxiety on student as well as other traditional factors. As a result, students get sick easier; playing sports could help them to reduce their level of anxiety and thus, help them stay healthy. For example, a university could build a gym near the campus. This can help them to take a break from their studies, go to gym, and then return to their books with more energy.
The character of a person isn’t only built by books and lessons, but also by social activities, like team sports. Universities should therefore invest money in organizing tournaments or championships. Taking part in these events helps students to make new friends and learn to compete with other people. There are also a lot of things we can learn from sports that we can apply at work, such as teamwork and other social skills.
In conclusion, to improve the lives of students at university, it is important to invest money not only in academia, build library or buy books, but also on sports as well.
*I don't know how the test is graded/scored, so I won't be much help there. Some of my edits were more of a suggestion (i.e. grammatically correct, but would be better written another way). Best of luck!
I would give this a 3
General comments: you are clear of your arguments which are good, nice expressions but do see a lack of vocabulary. Grammar is good, but require minor corrections.
(if someone knew the grade of judgment of toefl examiner, I would be happy to know how much he/she would give me)
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