Hello my life saviors! I draw cartoon and post it on Instagram. I've been looking for someone who can correct my errors before I post it. Thanks in advance! this episodes' plot is; they are in NY

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Takeo Koyanagi

Hello my life saviors! I draw cartoon and post it on Instagram. I've been looking for someone who can correct my errors before I post it. Thanks in advance! this episodes' plot is; they are in NY subway station and see that a lot of trains are actually affected by service changes and construction or whatever and talking about trains that don't run noramally. and the cat asks "Are there any trains that are running without delay or troubles, if any?....(being sarcastic)" and human explains it to them. and he said " N train is the only one that is running without a delay or anything" but in fact , in Astoria( where N train is), N train is having its own problem and stuck between stations. I know it's a little complicated and hard to understand if you're not familiar with subway system in NYC but please let me know if you see any part that is not natural. (N,G,7,M,F etc are names of the line. Astoria is the name of the neighborhood in Queens NYC, where N runs) also, if you see any grammatical mistakes in THIS mail instead of my cartoon, Please correct me and punish me! that'll be great as well! My friend told me to swap "at the same time" with Meanwhile in Astoria. ;to help you understand what this is about, Instagram.com/lasqueensclothing Thanks! Thanks! Thanks! and I wish you the best with your study! Takeo

Corrections · 5

Thanks sooooooo much, both of you! Wow! Thanks!!!!!

Ha, this is a fun one! This is how I would do it : "So which train is running on time, if any?" "I have no idea...I'll ask a human." .... "There's trains backed up ahead of us. We will get moving...eventually." (You could say shortly here and it would be fine, but I think it's funnier to have the conductor pause a moment and then say "eventually".

Frame 1

They are at Queensboro Plaza Station.

“This is…”

“...I know” (The three periods "..." are called an ellipsis, and have to be used in sets of threes for trailed or continued sentences.)

Frame 2

“I have no idea… I’ll ask the human.”

“So which train is running normally, if any?...”

Frame 3

“Well, F is only local and no M... There’s no 7 to Manhattan, You'd have to take a shuttle bus to Jamaica and G always sucks... so N line?? But I’m not sure...”

Frame 4

At the same time Meanwhile, in Astoria

“There’s train traffic ahead of us. Train will move shortly.” (I would use, "There are trains stopped ahead of us. We will be moving shortly.")

“Whaaat!?”

“I’ll I'm going to be late again...”

Hi Takeo! Yes, a bit confusing. Within the cartoon, Panel #2, it should read "I'll ask a human." I also think it works better if you change the question to "So which train, if any, is running normally?" I do agree with your friend's suggestion of using "Meanwhile" instead of "At the same time" in Panel #4. Perhaps, there, add "Our/This Train will move shortly"." I hope this helps you. J.

Hello my life saviors savers!

I draw drew a cartoon and post it on Instagram. I've been looking for someone who can correct my errors before I post it. Thanks in advance!
This episode's plot is; They are in a NY subway station and see that a lot of trains are actually affected by service changes, construction or whatever and talking about trains that don't run normally. and The cat asks, "Are there any trains that are running without delay or troubles, if any?....(being sarcastic)" and The human explains it to them. and He said says, "the N train is the only one that is running without a delay or anything." but While in fact, in Astoria (where the N train is), the N train is having its own problem and is stuck between stations.
I know it's a little complicated and hard to understand if you're not familiar with the subway system in NYC but please let me know if you see any part that is not natural. (N, G, 7, M, F, etc. are names of the lines. Astoria is the name of the neighborhood in Queens NYC, where the N runs.)

Also, if you see any grammatical mistakes in THIS mail message instead of my cartoon, please correct me and punish me let me know (punish is a bit harsh, haha)! that'll That'd be great as well!

My friend told me to swap "at the same time" with Meanwhile in Astoria.

To help you understand what this is about, Instagram.com/lasqueensclothing

Thanks! Thanks! Thanks! and I wish you the best with your study!
Takeo

I tried copy/pasting my edits into this comment box but it waayyy over-exceeded the 5000 character limit. I'll copy paste into another comment.

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