IELTS Writing Study - Could anyone help me, pls?

Those facts have helped some people achieve their dreams of studying abroad and those students have gained a lot for the future. Studying in another country can be challenging, but there are a lot of reasons to do it. As students will experience independence, personally they can have their confidence and self-assurance increased. Hence they would be better prepared to a more challenging situation in many aspects of their life. Still, they can experience cultural differences while turning themselves into more flexible, peaceful and tolerant persons. And, of course, looking for study in some other place is positive because it helps spread knowledge, which is essential for world development.

On other hand, there are some disadvantages to studying abroad. The principle point would be missing family support and suffering from homesickness. But, as was said before, the internet can be a friendly tool to solve this problem, shortening physical distance between people. Secondly, in the beginning, it can be a little tough and stressful especially if the student doesn’t have a reasonable command of the foreign language. Persistence and willpower would be the main points to work on in this case and, more, the support of teachers and classmates  is very important.

Although there are some disadvantages to studying in a foreign country, they can be easily solved if faced with maturity and if the student is conscious of the positive acquisitions after the experience. The advantages of this development can outweigh the disadvantages.

Hello Carol,

This is quite a good essay, reasonably well laid out and with some good language. There are quite a few corrections some of which could cause problems for the reader.

My golden advice for essay writing -

1. Read the question and make sure you understand it.

2. Make a plan of what you are going to say

3. Write the text

4. Take a deep  breath

5. Read your text and make any simple corrections which you see.

Hope this helps

Bob

Correction part 1: This is actually a well-constructed essay. The paragraph structure is good and your argument is easy to understand. In addition you are trying to use more advanced language and grammar structures (which is recommended) but sometimes the sentence doesn't sound natural. As a result, many of my corrections are reformulations of the sentence to make it sound more natural. I hope this helps!

Well done! :-)

Education is the fundamental point for the development of a community. Without it the world would still be facing many diseases, battles, or could be stagnant because of/due to/owing to lack of technology. In many cases, the region where someone is living doesn’t have a good education system , making it necessary to look for opportunities to study abroad. In the past, that was much more difficult, but nowadays things are different. With the transportation and communication systems growth, living in another place is much easier.

Those facts have helped some people achieve their dreams to studying abroad and those students have a lot to gain for the future. Studying in another country can be challenging, but there are a lot of advantages of it. Firstly, students will experience independence which can increase their confidence and self-assurance. Hence they would be better prepared for a more challenging situations later in life,  for example in their job. Secondly, they can experience cultural differences turning themselves into more flexible, peaceful, and tolerant people. Finally, of course, looking for study in some other place is positive because it helps spread knowledge, which is essential for world development.

Correction part 2:

On other hand, there are some disadvantages about studying abroad. The main point would be missing family support and experiencing homesickness. However, as was said before, the internet can be a useful  tool for solving this problem by shortening physical distance between people. Secondly, the beginning can be a little tough and stressful especially if the student doesn’t have a reasonable familiarity with in the foreign language. Persistence and willpower would be the main points to work in this case and, what's more, the support of teachers and classmates is very important. 

Although there are some disadvantages to studying in a different country, they can be easily solved if faced with maturity and if the student is conscious of the positive acquisitions after the experience. As a result, I feel that the advantages of this development can outweigh the disadvantages