Please correct this note.
Now it's three months since I joined this company.
I have to email to the German headquarter sometimes.
I had an impressive experience yesterday,
so I want to tell this thought to the headquarter
with accurate expression this time.
so please help me.
"I visited a customer with my boss yesterday.
This time was a really difficult situation.
Because the customer told he would compare our machine and
another rival's one about the performance in a strict environment.
Yesterday was the examination day and also the final judgement day
(purchase our's or rival's.)
My boss adjusted the machine settings.
Then our machine could get better data than the rival's could.
The customer recognized our machine's good performance and
decided to purchase our's.
It was the first time for me to look and recognize the superiority of my
products actually.
I was so impressed and feel like to sell our products with more pride.
It is an honor to me to be a sales woman of such a high-performance machine.
In addition, I respect technical experts of our company.
I will try to learn more knowledge and sales skills
and sell our products myself as soon as possible."
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Corrections · 6
0
Please correct this note.
Now it's three months since I joined this company.It's been now three months since I joined this company.
/Three months have now passed since I joined this company.
I have to email to the German headquarter sometimes.
I have to send an email to the German headquarter sometimes.
/I have to email the German headquarter sometimes.
I had an impressive experience yesterday,
so I want to tell this thought to the headquarter ＊
so I want to let them know what I think
/so I want to express my thought to the headquarter
with accurate expression this time.
so please help me.
"I visited a customer with my boss yesterday.
This time it was a really difficult situation Because because the customer told he would compare our machine and another rival's one about the performance in a strict environment.
the customer said/ the customer told us
he would compare our machine to our rival's about performance in a strict environment.
Yesterday was the examination day and also the final judgement day ＊
(purchase our's or rival's.)
(purchase ours or rival's)
My boss adjusted the machine settings.
Then our machine could get better data than the rival's could. ＊
My boss adjusted the machine settings so that our machine could get the better results than our rival's.
The customer recognized our machine's good performance and
decided to purchase our's. ours
It was the first time for me to look see and recognize the superiority of my
products actually.
I was so impressed and feel like to sell selling our products with more pride. ＊
/I was so impressed that I feel like I can sell our products with more pride.
It is an honor to for me to be a sales woman of such a high-performance machine.
In addition, I respect technical experts of our company.
I will try to learn more knowledge and sales skills ＊
and sell our products myself as soon as possible." ＊
I will try to learn more about the machine, improve my sales skills and I will sell our products the best I can.
/I will try to aquire more knowledge and sales skills and sell our products as fast as I can.
＊tel lは言葉を伝えるという意味がありますので thought と一緒に使うことは稀です。
＊まさに、「最後の審判」というわけだったのですね。
＊"so that X" 「そうすれば（そうであれば）、Xであるから」
＊I was so impressed that I feel like I can sell....
私はその多大な感銘ゆえ、いっそうの誇りをもって自社の製品を売ることができると感じております。
＊learn は能力を高める行為を指しますので、知識を習得するといった場合にはacquire を使うとより自然です。
＊soon は 「早く」ということになりますが、「速い」方のfast を使わせていただきました。ここでは売上の話ですから期間を見ればどちらも同じことですが、soon だと業務連絡のように聞こえてしまうので、fast、あるいは単純にmore とするのもよいと思います。
わかりづらくなってしまいました。代替案を記しておきます。
And I wish your future success!
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It's been now three months since I joined this company. I have to send an email to the German headquarter sometimes.
I had an impressive experience yesterday so I would like to express my thoughts about the experience with accuracy.
So please help me.
"I visited a customer with my boss yesterday. It was a really difficult situation this time because the customer told us he would compare our machine to our rival's about performance in a strict environment. Yesterday was an examination day and also a final judgement day. (Purchase ours or rival's)
My boss adjusted the machine settings so that our machine could get the better results than our rival's. The customer recognized our machine's good performance and decided to purchase ours.
It was the first time for me to actually see and recognize the superiority of our products. I was so impressed that I feel like I can sell our products with more pride than ever before. It is a great honor to be a sales woman of such a high-performance machine. In addition, I respect technical experts of our company.
I will try to acquire more knowledge and sales skills so that I can sell our products more."
0
Please correct this note.
It has beenI have to send emails to the German headquarters sometimes.
I had an great
So please help me.
"I visited a customer with my boss yesterday. It was a pretty
My boss adjusted the machine settings so that
It was then that I realised the
You may want to end the email with a thank you or something.
Here it is again without the strikethrough words:
"I visited a customer with my boss yesterday. It was a pretty difficult situation, as the customer told us that he was going to compare our machine to a rival's one to evaluate the performance in a strict environment. Yesterday was the examination day and also the final judgement day (whether they would purchase ours or our rival's).
My boss adjusted the machine settings so that our machine could get better data than the rival's could. The customer recognized that our machine boasted great performance and decided to purchase ours.
It was then that I realised the superiority of our products. I was very impressed and now feel that I will sell our products with more pride. It is an honor for me as saleswoman of such high-performance machines. In addition, I now have further respect for the technical experts of our company. I will endeavor to learn more about our products and sales skills."
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