What a frighten trip
Just now, my father got a phone call from my uncle, one brother of my father. We are very close. In last week, He told us that he would go to Anhui province for business, to visit a factory, which was a manufacturer for some medical treating machine. However, in the phone call, He was a little nervous and he said the business may be illegal. The manufacturer asked everyone come there to buy their machines, at least Fifty thousand yuan worthy. We told him to leave immediately, since it’s maybe the pyramid selling company, which could be very dangerous. He Had the same feeling, and then, he went to the railway station to buy a ticket home without his package, which was left in the dorms. Now, He is home and safe. What a frighten trip!
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Corrections · 6
1
What a frightening trip
Just now, my father got a phone call from my uncle, his brother. We are very close. Last week, he told us that he would go to Anhui province on business, to visit a factory which made medical treatment machines. However, in the phone call he was a little nervous and he said the business may be illegal. The manufacturer asked everyone to go there to buy their machines, for at least 50 000 yuans. We warned him against it, since it’s maybe a pyramid selling company, which could be very dangerous. He had the same feeling, and then, he went to the railway station to buy a ticket home without his luggage, which was left in the dorms. Now, he is home and safe. What a frightening trip!Very well written!
1
What a frighten trip
Just now, my father got a phone call from my uncle, one brother of my father my father's brother. We are very close. In last week, he told us that he would go to the Anhui province for business, to visit a factory which was a manufacturer manufacturing for some medical treating machines. However, in the phone call, he was a little nervous and he said that the business may be illegal. The manufacturer asked everyone to come go there to buy their machines, each worth at least fifty thousand yuan. We told him to leave immediately, since it’s maybe seemed like the a pyramid selling company, which could be very dangerous. He had the same feeling, and then he went to the railway station to buy a ticket home without his package suitcase, which was left in the dorms. Now, he is home and safe. What a frighten frightening trip!1- It is not wrong grammatically, it just sounds a bit awkward
2- Here there is a problem of meaning using these adjectives. The factory doesn't make stuff for machines, instead the factory makes the machines.
3-The verb "come" usually makes reference to the place where the narrator/person is. In this case, if you where quoting or paraphrasing something the manufacturer explicitly (i.e the person told us to tell others to come here and buy the machines) you could use "come". Since you are telling a story focusing on what happened, you need to use "to go".
4- Frighten is the verb and "frightening" is the gerund adjective. Since you are modifying the noun "trip" you would need the adjective.
5- The parts where I add "the" and "that" is not because is wrong how it is, but is because making those emphasis in sentences makes the passage more fluid and natural, since it highlights what's important in the sentence (less work for the reader).
0
The grammar and general structure are very good here! It seems like sometimes you have the typical confusion of the adjective/verb/noun versions of the same word (i.e frightening, frighten, a fright) so I would keep some attention to that while writing. Aside from that I notice some parts that try to be complex, and then they don't get the whole message across. I recommend you to try keeping your sentences simple, and use that as a start point to add more complicated materials to your writings.
I'm glad your uncle didn't get in trouble. Keep the practice coming and have a good day!
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