I need to correct this text please!!!!
I would like to talk about health issues focusing on mainstream or conventional medicine and alternative medicine or more precisely, alternative treatments.
I chose this topic because...I was stunned to discover that according several studies, conventional medicine is the leading cause of death today! People return to the conventional medicine over and over again, feeling like they have no choice. Nevertheless there is another option.
Moreover, some people may say that the pharmaceutical industry cannot be that bad. But the pharmaceutical industry is not a ‘health industry’, but an ‘investment business’. So, it is clear that health care has improved a great deal for ordinary people who live in societies where there is a public health care system.
So It's important to point out that this means we have improved our living standards and also our life expectancy. When we speak of mainstream medicine today we are referring TO different kinds of things, because our concept of health and our resources TO take care OF ourselves varies.
In any case, generally speaking, despite mainstream medicine is about taking drugs prescribed BY doctors TO address different kinds of health problems, nowadays we have also started to include natural medicine resources, for instance...herbal medicine and homeopathy, and alternative treatments, mostly related TO our joints and muscles, including physiotherapy, osteopathy and chiropractics.
The point is that people are starting to question if we should include in our public health care system acupuncture from Chinese medicine, or yoga from Hindu philosophy? So far, we all agree these resources can be called alternative treatments.
Besides this, another point, of discussion is about whether these complementary or alternative treatments should be covered by the public health care system or not. Obviously, the lack of coverage is a barrier for the people, particularly low-income families, in accessing treatment from alternative practitioners. Moreover, sometimes people pay both:to support the health care system and to choose alternative health care.
To sum up, as far as I'm concerned, although many of the treatments are not supported by scientific evidence, they are in demand...so ..Every country has to decide whether it wants to maintain a conventional healthcare system or whether it wants to develop a new healthcare system based on effective and natural health.
Search from various English teachers...
Corrections · 2
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Note, I've reworded a fair bit without annotations as it was quicker. Hope this helps.
I would like to talk about health issues focusing on mainstream or conventional medicine and alternative medicine or more precisely, alternative treatments.
I have chosen this topic because I was shocked to discover that according several studies, conventional medicine is the leading cause of death today. People routinely opt for conventional medicine feeling like they have no choice. Some people believe that the pharmaceutical industry cannot be that bad, however pharmaceutical companies are not healthcare businesses but investment operations.
It is clear that healthcare has greatly improved for ordinary people who live in societies where there is a public healthcare system, therefore it is important to note that this has helped improve their quality of life along with life expectancy. However, when we speak of mainstream medicine today we are often referring to different things because our concept of health and our [access to] resources to take care of ourselves varies.
We can see that people are starting to question if we should be including, in our public healthcare systems, alternative treatments, such as acupuncture, from traditional Chinese medicine, or yoga, from ancient Hindu beliefs. The lack of coverage for these treatments within public healthcare systems is creating a barrier to alternative, non-mainstream treatment for people, particularly those from low-income households. In some cases, people are paying to support both the public healthcare system and to obtain private treatment from alternative medicine practitioners.
My concern is that although many of the alternative treatments are not supported by scientific evidence, there is a demand for them. Each country has to decide whether it wants to maintain a conventional healthcare system or develop a system based upon effective and natural alternatives.*
* Note, there is a jump in logic here, you state that the treatments are not supported by scientific evidence but are in demand, and then refer to them as effective. Whilst I don't doubt the conclusion, it is not supported by the argument. You might be better to finish with something like "or develop a system that is based upon a combination of treatment that best fit the needs and desires of the patients". Just a thought ;)
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