A Story about Yoshiko Plot so far. Yoshiko made strawberry jam. It was her first time cooking. But her grandparents didn't eat because they had never eaten strawberry jam and it looked like blood. A

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Hisako

A Story about Yoshiko Plot so far. Yoshiko made strawberry jam. It was her first time cooking. But her grandparents didn't eat because they had never eaten strawberry jam and it looked like blood. After her convincing, they finally ate it. Both of them were amazed because it was fantastic. Her grandfather said,"How smart you are to be able to make such delicious jam." Her grandmother said, "This is quite something. We have to offer it to our ancestor." she put the plate with jam in front of the picture of ancestor. Putting her hands together, she said softly." This jam is Yoshiko's first dish that she made. Please try it." Yoshiko became so happy because her mother and grandparents complemented her from bottom of their heart. They keenly felt that she grew up and she could do the thing that little kids couldn't do. Then, Yoshiko wanted have her father taste it. As he is heardworking, he gets home late at night. He comes back home after she goes to bed and he leaves before she wakes up so they rarely see each other. Yoshiko waited for him until 9 pm. She usually goes to bed at 9pm but she decided to wait for him until 10 pm. However, even it pasted 10 pm, he didn't come back. Could you tell me that there are any better expressions? Thanks in advance!!

Corrections · 9

A Story about Yoshiko

Plot so far.
Yoshiko made strawberry jam. It was her first time cooking.
But her grandparents didn't wouldn't* eat it because they had never eaten strawberry jam and it looked like blood to them. After her convincing she convinced them**, they finally ate it.

Both of them were amazed because it was fantastic.
Her grandfather said, "How smart you are to be able to make such delicious jam."
Her grandmother said, "This is quite something. We have to offer it to our ancestor." she put the plate with jam in front of the picture of ancestor.
Putting her hands together, she said softly. "This jam is Yoshiko's the first dish that she Yoshiko had made. Please try it."
Yoshiko became so happy because her mother and grandparents complemented her from bottom of their hearts. They keenly felt that as she grew up, and she could do the thing that little kids couldn't do***. Then, Yoshiko wanted have her father taste it. As he is heardworking was a hardworking man, he gets got home late at night. He comes back would come home after she goes had gone to bed and he would leaves before she wakes woke up so they rarely see saw each other.****

Yoshiko waited for him until 9 pm.
She usually goes went to bed at 9 pm but she decided to wait for him until 10 pm. However, even it pasted 10 pm, he hadn't didn't come back.

Could you tell me that there are any better expressions? Thanks in advance!!

久子さん、I'm enjoying this story very much! Keep it up!

* I know this was just part of the introduction, but I corrected it, as well. "Didn't" and "wouldn't" have different meanings. The "didn't" means 食べなかった。"Wouldn't" means that they refused to, that they didn't want to taste it (食べないだろう)。

** "After her convincing" is fine. But I think it's better to use "after she convinced them" or to say something colloquial like "But after a good deal of convincing, they finally tried it." (When someone finally agrees to something, we sometimes say "it took a lot of convincing").

*** I wasn't sure if I understood this sentence. What does the word "that" mean? Is it "that Yoshiko could do unique things" (which is how I understood it, and how I corrected it) or does it refer to something else?

**** In this paragraph, you wrote mostly in the Present Tense. Be careful about switching tenses. Stories are almost always told in the Past Tense, but we can summarize or retell certain things in Present.

A Story about Yoshiko

Plot so far.
Yoshiko made strawberry jam. It was her first time cooking.
But However, her grandparents didn't eat because they had never eaten strawberry jam and it looked like blood. After her some convincing, they finally ate it.

Both of them were amazed because it was fantastic.
Her grandfather said, "How smart you are, to be able to make such delicious jam."
Her grandmother then (そしての意味) said, "This is quite something. We have to offer it to our ancestor." she as put the plate with of jam in front of the picture of her ancestor.
Putting her hands together, she said softly. " This jam is Yoshiko's first dish that she made. Please try it."
Yoshiko became so happy elated/ecstatic because her mother and grandparents complemented complimented her from bottom of their hearts. They keenly sincerely (こころの中からの意味) felt that she has grew grown up and that she could now do the thing something that little kids couldn't do. Then, Yoshiko wanted to have her father taste it. As he is heardworking hardworking, he gets comes home late at night, after she goes to bed, and he leaves before she wakes up so they rarely see each other.

Yoshiko waited for him until 9 pm.
She usually goes to bed at 9pm that time, but she decided to wait for him until 10 pm. However, even it pasted past 10 pm, he didn't come back. Home.

Could you tell me that there are any better expressions? Thanks in advance!!

Orange corrections: Fundamental errors. Pay attention to these!

Green corrections: Minor mistakes, as well as recommendations on how to make the sentences flow smoother :)

(T T)

Please!!

Could you please correct my sentences?

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