Please check these sentences!
Hi there. Sentences below are for the official paper. I'm glad if you check whether these words or phrases are appropriate as an academic English.
After graduation, I hope to be engaged in products development section in the multinational company headquartered in Japan, and introduce the user innovation which has a possibility to change the way of Japanese creating and manufacturing. There are some companies which are proud of their way of manufacturing, but scarcely reflect customer's demands to their products. To change this situation, I am going to learn marketing from both theoretical and analytical aspects at the University of ○○ such as collecting quantitative and qualitative data to analyze consumer's ongoing needs. I am sure that I can contribute to improve existing products or develop new products, and make them more competitive as a market researcher to compete in challenging market by making the best use of my past experiences and learning achievement.
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Please check these sentences!
Hi there. The sentences below are for the an official paper. I'm I'd be glad if you checked whether these words or phrases are appropriate as an for academic English.After graduation, I hope to be engaged in products development section in the a multinational company headquartered in Japan, and introduce the user innovation which has a possibility has the potential to change the way of Japanese creating and manufacturing.
I am not sure what you mean by 'creating'. I think it would be best if you either did not use the word 'creating' at all. Or maybe used 'innovation' instead!
There are some companies which are proud of take pride in their way of manufacturing, but scarcely reflect meet their customer's demands to for their products.
To change this situation, I am going to learn study marketing from both theoretical and analytical aspects at the University of ○○, such as collecting quantitative and qualitative data to analyze the consumer's ongoing needs.
I am sure that I can contribute to improve the improvement of existing products as well as the development of new products, and make them more competitive as a market researcher to compete in today's challenging market by making the best use of my past experiences and learning achievements.
I am sure is a bit of a weak word - it does not sound convincing enough. I suggest to use 'I am certain' or 'I can say with confidence'.
I also added the word 'today's' to the phrase 'challenging market' as it seemed a bit too ambiguous without a descriptor.
Overall, this is a strong piece of formal writing, I'm impressed! Well done!
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