Boycotting myself I have realized that I am boycotting myself. I have already been trying to learn by a grammar book for one month but my motivation has been going day by day. I know that I need to study hard because in the next months I am taking two language tests. However, I am in the mood for everything but not study. It is so frustrating because I can see how I am not doing what I am supposed to do and I am still doing nothing against. Or well, I tell myself "go to study", "open the book", "learn the grammar" but I am still watching videos or reading random things instead of using my energie to something academically productive. I thought the reason was my laziness but I have realized that it is nothing but fear. I am not being lazy, I am being coward because if I study hard, I will approve my exams and that means I would be able to submit my application for the scholarship. I am so scared that I have been giving up before even trying it, but no more. Let's be brave, Bonnie! We can do it!