Diary Entry for January 8th
I got off the train at 8 p.m. last night. It was too late for a girl to take bus home alone. Furthermore，I'm a little timid. So I called my younger brother to pick me up. My brother is four years younger than me，and now he is a senior three student.
I'm very proud of having a brother. Even though when he was a child，he always argued with me and grabed something（e.g. TV remote control）. When a boy grows up to 16 years old，he looks like a man. My brother is an example. He learnt the responsibility and how to protect families.
My brother will take the College Entrance Examination on June. I sincerely hope that he can get a ideal grade！
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Corrections · 4
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Diary Entry for January 8th
I got off the train at 8 p.m. last night. It was too late for me/a girl to take bus home alone. Furthermore, I'm a little timid so I called my younger brother to pick me up. My brother is four years younger than me, and now he is a senior three student.I'm very proud of having a brother, even though when he was a child, he always argued with me and grabed thins grabbed things（e.g. TV remote control). When a boy grows up to be 16 years old/when a boy reaches 16 years of age, he looks like/begins to look like a man. My brother is an example. He has learned how to be responsible the responsibility and how to protect his family families.
My brother will take the College Entrance Examination on in June. I sincerely hope that he can get an ideal grade！
Hi Dahlia!
This was a great diary entry. I am impressed at how quickly you integrated "e.g." into your writing! That is fabulous. Also, I can see improvements in your ability to link similar thoughts together into complete sentences. This makes your writing flow nicely.
In red, you will note the errors. Today, these appear to be spelling mistakes (e.g. grabbed and things). However, there is one point I'd like to help with, as follows.
"In" vs. "On" June: Here, you want to use "in" because this is an event that will occur in the future. It gets a little tricky, though. If you want to specify the day, you would write on. For example, "I need to write an exam on January 20th."
Some examples:
"My birthday is in February."
"He has a dental appointment on February 5th, 2017."
"Our anniversary is in the fall."
"Christmas is always on December 25th."
Have a lovely day!
Sincerely,
Sara
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Diary Entry for January 8th
I got off the train at 8 p.m. last night. It was too late for a girl to take bus home alone. Furthermore，I'm a little timid. So I called my younger brother to pick me up. My brother is four years younger than me，and now he is a senior three student.I'm very proud of having a brother. Even though when he was a child，he always argued with me and grabbed thins（e.g. TV remote control）. When a boy grows up to 16 years old，he looks like a man. My brother is an example. He learnt responsibility and how to protect his family.
My brother will take the College Entrance Examination in June. I sincerely hope that he can get an ideal grade！
Ni hao Dahlia - I hope my corrections are okay for you - I understood your sentences easily - you are an excellent student [emoji]
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