Search from various English teachers...
Calla Lily
my letter to a restuarant manager Hi there, Could you please review my letter to a manager, thank you! ============================================ Dear Sir or Madam, I'm writing to thank you for your restaurant service were great to us. We celebrated our graduation with some classmates in your restaurant around 7-9pm on 28th Dec. 2016. Finnel restaurant has best 5-star reviews in foods and services in the town, according to my friends they recommended us to go there for celebrating events. Especially if we preferred to having a private room, chatted for a while and played some entertainments. Many Thanks for reviewing the letter, please consider to help me the part II of the letter, as below link: https://www.italki.com/notebook/3766778/entry/761207

Corrections · 8

1

my letter to a restuarant manager

Hi there, Could you please review my letter to a manager, thank you!
============================================
Dear Sir or Madam,

I'm writing to thank you for your restaurant service staff who were great to us. We celebrated our graduation with some classmates in your restaurant around 7-9pm on 28th Dec. 2016.

Finnel restaurant has the best 5-star reviews in foods and services in the town, and according to my friends they recommended us to go there for celebrating events. Especially if we preferred to having a private room for chatting for a while and playing some entertainments.


1

my letter to a restuarant manager

Hi there, Could you please review my letter to a manager, thank you!
============================================
Dear Sir or Madam,

I'm writing to thank you for your great restaurant service. We celebrated our graduation with some classmates the evening of  December 28th, 2016. My friends recommended your establishment based on the 5 star ratings. The private rooms were great for conversation and we enjoyed the entertainment. 

I reworded several of the sentences and may have changed the meaning you were trying to convey.

1

my letter to a restuarant manager

Hi there, Could you please review my letter to a manager, thank you!
============================================
Dear Sir or Madam,

I'm writing to thank you for the great restaurant service. Some classmates and I celebrated our graduation with some classmates in your restaurant around 7-9pm on 28th Dec. 2016.

Finnel restaurant has the best 5-star reviews in foods and services in the town, according to my friends. They recommended us to pay it a visit go there for celebrating events, especially if we preferred to having  have a private room, chatted where we could chat for a while and played some entertainments games.

Hi Salus, 
"Entertainment" is usually singular and rarely plural (I've never seen "entertainments" being used)
The words "play some entertainment" don't really go together. You could say "play some games" or "entertain ourselves".
Hope this helps!
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I am not trying to correct any of sentences in the letter now that a couple of native speakers have done well about it. I just wonder if you have conveyed clear message to the manager and the restaurant.


You said you are grateful to their service but I did not see much in your letter about the service you received at that time except pieces of irrelevant information like 5-star review, recommendation or a private room... etc.  


In the second paragraph where you would like to express your gratitude, it is more like a advert which tells customers what the venue can provide and what clients have had a comment on this restaurant. Otherwise, you may feature more on how happy you interacted with the staff, what kind of food you enjoyed in a more specific way or what service impressed you most at that night.  


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