help!! Can someone check this paragraph please?? This paragraph is about cons of zoos, so previously I mentioned the pros this is the conclutive sentence: "to conclude, zoos have been a target of crit

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Daniela Solarte

help!! Can someone check this paragraph please?? This paragraph is about cons of zoos, so previously I mentioned the pros this is the conclutive sentence: "to conclude, zoos have been a target of criticism through the years; nevertheless, they have contributed to and promoted animal conservation and protection." And this is the second paragraph (please check my puntuaction, structure ideas and right use of words and connectors, also if it makes sense). "Currently, the world population is concentrated mostly in urban areas, separating us from nature more and more. Therefore, zoos have become a good alternative to connect nature with the human being. However, there are many people that reject this places due to the contraindications they can imply. For example, zoos are supposed to promote animal preservation, but they also promote animal abuse. The 95% of the animals of zoos in Colombia aren't on the endangered list; according to other researches, the 97% of the animals of the Zoos in England aren't part of the European Captive Birth Program (EEP's). Then, these animals are taken out from their natural habitat to be part just of the human amusement. As a result, another implication is the difficulty of returning these animals back to their habitat once they are in captivity. That privilege is given to those animals in danger; as was the case of the snail Partula, the English field cricket, the horse Przewalski and the wild rat Dormouse, who were successfully reinserted in nature whilst those animals that aren't endangered and are subdued till their death entertaining humans. It can also generate an imbalance in the ecosystems. Ultimately, another negative aspect is the behavioral changes animals can develop. Most of the zoos don't provide suitable establishments for the animals, being confined in uncomfortable cages. The stress, the poor simulations of nature and the poor encouragement of hunting and surviving can generate a big impact on their lives, they can develop mental problems and also genetic alterations. In resume, which is supposed to be the main objective of a Zoo? Although they have changed a little bit the focus of the exhibition, they need to be more responsible and more conscious about animals lives. They feel as we do, they need love as we do and they also deserve the same rights as we do."

Corrections · 4

help!! Can someone check this essay, please??

This essay is about the cons of zoos, so previously I mentioned the pros.
This is the conclusion: "to conclude, zoos have been a target of criticism through the years; nevertheless, they have contributed to and promoted animal conservation and protection."

And this is the second paragraph (please check my punctuation, structure, ideas and the use of words and connectors, also if it makes sense).
"Currently, the world's population is concentrated mostly in urban areas, separating us more and more from nature. Therefore, zoos have become a good alternative to connect us with nature*. However, many people reject zoos because of their contradictions. For example, zoos are supposed to promote animal preservation, but they also promote animal abuse. 95% of the animals in Colombian zoos are not* on the endangered list. Also, 97% of the animals kept in English zoos are not part of the European Captive Birth Program (EEP's). Thus, these animals are removed from their natural habitat just for our amusement. Another consequence of keeping animals captive is the difficulty of eventually returning them to their original habitat. That privilege is given to those animals on the danger list; the snail Partula, the English field cricket, the horse Przewalski and the wild rat dormouse. These were successfully reinserted into the wild whilst the not endangered animals are subdued entertaining humans until their death. Keeping animals captive in zoos can also unsettle ecosystems. Zoo captivity also harms, in the longer term, animal behaviour. Most zoos don't provide enough space for their animals, confining them in uncomfortable cages. The stress, the poor simulation of nature and little encouragement of their hunting and surviving instincts can generate a big impact on their lives. They can develop mental problems and also genetic alterations. In short, what are a zoo's objectives? Although they have changed somewhat, the focus of the exhibition, they need to be more responsible for and more conscious about their animals. They feel as we do, they need love as we do, and they also deserve the same rights as we do."

*or, to bring us back to nature.

*since this is a formal essay, it is better to avoid contractions such as '' it's '', '' aren't '' and write them in full.

Very well written!

Hi Daniela,

Some corrections from my end as below. Overall, it is well written and good effort! Hope my corrections are helpful.

help!! Can someone check this paragraph please??

This paragraph is about cons of zoos, so previously I mentioned the pros
this is the conclutive sentence: "to conclude, zoos have been a target of criticism for many through years; nevertheless, they have contributed to and promoted animal conservation and protection."

And this is the second paragraph (please check my puntuaction, structure ideas and right use of words and connectors, also if it makes sense).
"Currently, the world population is concentrated mostly in urban areas, separating us from nature more and more. Therefore, zoos have become a good alternative to connect nature with the us human beings. However, there are many people that reject this these places due to the contraindications contradictions they can imply bring. For example, zoos are supposed to promote animal preservation, but they also promote animal abuse. The 95% of the animals of in zoos in Colombia aren't on the endangered list; according to other researches as well, the 97% of the animals of the Zzoos in England aren't part of the European Captive Birth Program (EEP's). Then Furthermore, these animals are taken out from their natural habitats to be part just of the human amusement. As a result, another implication is the difficulty of returning these animals back to their habitats once they are in captivity. That privilege is given to those animals in danger; as was the case of the snail Partula, the English field cricket, the horse Przewalski and the wild rat Dormouse, who were successfully reinserted in nature back into the wild, whilst those animals that aren't endangered and are subdued till their death entertaining humans. It can also generate an imbalance in the ecosystems. Ultimately, another negative aspect is the behavioral changes that these animals can develop. Most of the zoos don't provide suitable establishments for the animals, as they are being confined in uncomfortable cages. The stress, the poor simulations of nature and the poor encouragement of hunting and surviving can generate a big impact on their lives, thus they can develop mental problems and also genetic alterations. In resume The big question is, which is supposed to be the main objective of a Zzoo? Although they have changed a little bit the focus of the exhibition, they need to be more responsible and more conscious about animals lives. They feel as we do, they need love as we do and they also deserve the same rights as we do."

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