1117 Love Affairs

The breaking news in China today did not concern politics or economics, but instead, ethics. One of the most prominent athletes in this country, whose wife is currently pregnant, was caught in film secretly dating a young lady. This was neither the first time a celebrity had been busted by the media nor the last time someone's sterling public image has been tarnished.

Traditional values are still highly favored in China, which is why the man in the story issued an apology less than a day after it broke. Nevertheless, on the Internet, some other men defended him, saying that this was a mistake that every man could have made, while women, especially the married ones, castigated him as celebrity scum. Although I am not married, I confess having felt the same way, because the woman he had been seeing is an actress, one who is both much younger and more attractive, than his wife.

But, interestingly, it also made me think of something else: how legitimate is a love affair outside of marriage? Without question, if simple fading beauty accounts for the rising number of affairs and divorces, I would hope that the majority, if not all, of their shared property goes to the aggrieved party when the divorce is granted. But what if the true reason behind it make it a bit more complicated than that? Needless to say, marriage is still the norm in most societies, and conformity from its members in that institution is to be encouraged, as well as expected.

In essence, the basis behind that comes from the need for stabilty within, and the ability for, society to reproduce itself. For example in China, the biggest crime might be murder, but the biggest sin, based on traditional values, is not bearing any offspring. In this social context, people do marry, but not necessarily out of true affection or love for the other side, but rather, as a means to avoid being alone, left behind, or worse, seen as unworthy. In short, being married grants you instant status and enables you to be fully integrated into society.

Obviously, that sort of life and that form of marriage suits most people, as historically, people have always been married in this way. Yet, the younger generations now are craving more than a partner merely to live and have children with: they want something more from marriage, preferably a person who shares common interests and pursuits. Some people are fortunate enough to find such a person early in life; some, for a multitude of reasons, may never have that chance.

Thus, in reference to our now disgraced athlete--a worst case scenario becomes that of meeting a person whom you find appealing, someone who you never feel bored talking with or being around, yet, you found only after you had already married, under society's not so subtle pressures, with someone else. Viewed from that perspective, the issue is no longer so "black and white," so easy to pass judgment on, but instead, becomes a very neutral, if not murky, gray one. All in all, I would guess then that being single and waiting for the right one is actually another form of being morally responsible: both to yourself and, perhaps, for that person who might otherwise be hurt should your heart be destined to be stolen away due to some perceived incompatibility.

Hi Min! Another good, thought-provoking and well-written essay. My comments (at some point over the next few days...it is the start of a long holiday weekend here!) in the usual place. I hope this helps you. J.

1117 Love Affairs

The breaking news in China today is neither political nor economic, but ethical. One of the most prominent athletes in this country was filmed secretly dating a young lady, [*consider not using a comma here] at the time when his wife was pregnant. This was not the first time a celebrity got busted by the media, nor was [it] the only time a perfect public image was tarnished.

Traditional values are still highly favored in China, which was [is] why there was no waiting for the man in the story to issue an apology less a day when it broke. [*consider changing from passive voice to "...which is why the man issued an apology less than a day after the story broke."] But I was thinking of something else: how legitimate is a love affair outside of marriage[?]

On the Internet, some men defended him, saying this was a mistake that every man could have made[;] while women, especially the married ones, took him as a [to be] celebrity scum. I felt the same way, because the woman he was seeing was an actress,  [*consider not using a comma here] much younger and physically more attractive than his wife. If fading beauty accounts for the rising number of affairs and divorces, I would hope all their shared property goes to the victim when the divorce day is due. But what if the reason gets a bit more complicated than that?

Marriage is still the norm in many societies, and conformity is expected. For example in China, the biggest crime might be murder, but the biggest sin, based on traditional values,  [*consider using parenthesis instead of commas here] is not bearing any offspring. Being single could be a source of ridicule, or at least, a form of weirdo, since you deride too much from the normal path of life [word choice makes the sentence a bit unclear]. In this social context, people do marry, but not necessarily out of the affection for the other side[;] rather, it is a need to be integrated into the society, or in other words, a fear for being lonely and left behind.

This kind of life and this form of marriage suit some people, obviously, as historically people have always been married in this way, yet the young generations now are craving more than a partner merely to live with and have children, they want something more from marriage, preferably a person who can share common interests and pursuits [*run-on sentence: split into separate sentences]. Some people are lucky enough to find such a person early in life; some may never have that chance. And the worst case scenario is that,  [*consider not using a comma here] they do find a person [with] whom they never feel bored talking with, but only after they have married with someone else,  [*consider not using a comma here] under social pressure.

All in all, I guess being single and waiting for the right one is actually another form of being responsible, both for yourself and for the person that might be hurt if your heart is doomed to be stolen away.

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Very good job! I have made a few suggestions. One general note: using a comma is great for establishing an author's tone, but be careful not to use the comma too often.