Hi! could someone correct this story?
The story is about a 16 year-old boy called Jason that lived in Spain. One morning his father told him he could drive him into a village called Mijas, on the condition that he take the car in to be repaired at a nearby garage.
The guy accepted and he drove his dad into the village and he promised to return at 4 PM.
Because he had few hours available, he decided to go to a theatre. But the boy became so immersed in the films and when the last movie finished, it was 6 o’clock.
He knew Dad would be angry, so he decided to tell him that the car needed many repairs. His dad knew he was lying so he felt so disappointed.
The young boy insisted that he was telling the truth, so his dad explained that he had called the garage to ask if there were any problems, and they told him that the boy hadn’t yet picked up the car.
The guy feebly confessed and the dad became crazy, he decided to walk the 18 miles home. The apologies of the son were useless. He had let his father down, and that day he learnt one of the most painful lessons of his life because he has never lied to him since.
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Corrections · 4
0
Hi! could someone correct this story?
The story is about a 16 year-old boy called Jason that lived in Spain. One morning his father told him he could drive him into a village called Mijas, on the condition that he took the car in to be repaired at a nearby garage.The guy accepted and he drove his dad into the village and he promised to return at 4 PM.
Because he had few hours available, he decided to go to a theatre. But the boy became so immersed in the films and when the last movie finished, it was 6 o’clock.
He knew Dad would be angry, so he decided to tell him that the car was seriously damaged. His dad knew he was lying so he felt so disappointed.
The young boy insisted that he was telling the truth, so his dad explained that he had called the garage to ask if there were any problems, and they told him that the boy hadn’t yet picked up the car.
The guy feebly confessed and the dad became crazy, he decided to walk the 18 miles home. The apologies of the son were useless. He had let his father down, and that day he learnt one of the most painful lessons of his life because he has never lied to him since.
0
Hi! could someone correct this story?
The story is about a 16 year-old boy called Jason who that lived in Spain. One morning his father told him he could drive him into a village called Mijas, on the condition that he take the car in to be repaired at a nearby garage.The guy accepted Jason and he drove his dad into the village and he promised to return at 4 pm.
Because he had a few hours available, he decided to go to a theatre. But he the boy became so immersed in the films that and when the last movie finished, it was 6 o’clock.
He knew Dad would be angry, so he decided to tell him that the car needed many repairs. His dad knew he was lying and so he felt so disappointed.
The young boy Jason insisted that he was telling the truth, so his dad explained that he had called the garage to ask if there were any problems, and they told him that his son the boy hadn’t yet picked up the car.
The guy Jason feebly confessed and his the dad became crazy, he decided to walk the 18 miles home. The apologies of the son were useless. He had let his father down, and that day he learnt one of the most painful lessons of his life because he has never lied to his father him since.
0
Hi! could someone correct this story?
The story is about a 16 year-old boy called Jason that lived in Spain. One morning his father told him he could to drive him into a village called Mijas, on the condition that he take the car in to be repaired at a nearby garage.The guy accepted and he drove his dad into the village and he promised to return at 4 PM.
Because he had only a few hours available, he decided to go to a theatre. But the boy became so immersed in the films and when the last movie finished, it was 6 o’clock.
He knew his Dad would be angry, so he decided to tell him that the car needed many repairs. His dad knew he was lying so he felt so very disappointed.
The young boy insisted that he was telling the truth, so his dad explained that he had called the garage to ask if there were any problems, and they told him that the boy hadn’t yet picked up the car.
The guy feebly confessed and the dad became crazy, he decided to walk the 18 miles home. The son's apologies of the son were useless. He had let his father down, and that day he learnt one of the most painful lessons of his life because he has never lied to him since.
Very good writing Leonardo. You can say 'so disappointed' but it sounds better to just say 'very disappointed'. Also, you can say "the apologies of the son" but it's more natural to say "the son's apologies". If you have other questions, let me know. - Jason
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